this is my new story...i've become what i can't be...

DEEP THOUGHTS

2011-01-13T20:20:00.000+08:00

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE HEART DISEASE, PLZ REFRAME FROM READING THIS POSTING.
I WON'T HOLD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY SIDE EFFECT CAUSED.

It has been awhile ever since i posted a blog in this dusty and yet filled with memories place...blog is really a wonder or i shud say; A pandora box full or uncertainties..why? coz u won't know what would u be typing out tml, day after or in the future...

The truth behind is scary...even i also fear of it but somehow someday it will be reveal and i thought that lying low and staying quiet for awhile can solidify me and let me open my eyes...but what i've been through is really indeed roller coaster feeling...

I've been asking myself this question:" What's Love?" not even to myself that i've asked, i even ask around and i've realise that i've been blinded by something...i realised that i actually wanted to "give love"...to "protect" to be like superman...these naiveness and stupidity which soon lead me to become a hypocrite...i really dunno wad i really want in the end...the a gal who i've known to almost 10yrs...redpanda, if u r viewing this, u shud know i've told u before...my life have been to satisfy others...but as for now, i've made a promise to myself that i need more time to search myself...my real self...( none of the gals that i've gone with is the one i really love...this is the truth ) XD

Just after my 23rd's birthday celebration, there's this annonymous gal whom i accepted her request to add me as a fren became boy gal fren within 24hrs...by the next last than 100hrs, we met and went to hotel 81 to have sex...when everything was done, i already know this is isn't something so called "Love" that i wanted i i'm deeply regretted by this incident but yet enjoying every moment...sex is really like a drug...once taken u can nvr really rehab over with...but be4 she knew it, adeline and i were already planning a perfect breakup which will happen on New Year eve...right now i couldn't even give a damn abt her already but there this guilt inside my heart and my unshaken heart was shaken...i'm on rehab now trying not to give a damn abt her though i know that i hurt this gal a lot...be it mentally or physically traumatise...all i can say is that she is not my type of gal...even it is, i'm not ready yet as in there's no Love in out r/s at all...i really feel like a brother to her...all though i fall for her for 5minute but in order not to hurt the both of us more, i choose to breakup with her...i cannot coz of sex and give in...

p.s

to this annonymous gal, ur name has being discreeted coz i dun wanna hurt u more...plz stay out of my life...once there's hate towards u within me, even a simple short sms i will feel irritated by it...so plz forget abt me...for the 100 buck that u owe me, u can keep the change...no matter what, life still goes on...

J.w

random

2010-07-07T20:54:00.001+08:00

how long had it been? "boomz" lol dun learn from ppl...no no good~~ haha... had been drinking, singing and really nothing to do already... rather staying in camp for awhile and save some money... had been really spending money like water lol... bought a watch from Longines that cost a grand ! the price tag is like a note to let ppl know the police hot line haha... well... had been with around with adeline this pass few weeks... just hope she dun drink so much already... i'm at my limit! other thing than drinking is still ok... anyway i can drink quite a lot but not over my stomach limit that is... omg... my life is going to another chapter already... let see how things go bah...

i'm slowly, gradually but its for sure that i'm getting slimmer :) had been skipping meals which mean that i'm having irregular meals... though i know it is not good for my health but something junwei has to do things in an unorthodox way... ppl do desperate things when they are desperate... and ya... i'm giving up hope on baby le... hope she's fine by her own now...got to go soon... booking in le..nights everyone... though no body is going to view my blog but i just wanna say wad i feel and wanna say some time...

ever since 7th July 2010, 2054hrs

i'm always wittnessing the downfall of certian things

2010-05-05T20:22:00.000+08:00

lots of things happen since last weekend and ya that is my camp... FUCKed up dog unit section zzz almost half of my dog sect got discipline problem... including me... stupid la i made a stupid mistake by asking de driver to drive me to my duty area to retrieve something end up kana fuck like one kind my our warrant officer lol he like really wanna punch ppl liao... i was like lol PUNCH MAN! i will then SUE U TO UR GRAVE LOL! it has been a gloomy week for all of us... haiz lets not talk abt the unhappy matter...

i think i'm getting older already coz my blog seems to be shorter and shorter... i had been helping my fren build his comp that cost 1.5k and he's very satisfied...

had been a "sleepy" week for me... i'm always feeling tired all day but night time very active lol due to me duty...

today went to my fren house to change new cpu cooler fan for him coz he's gonna spoil soon... literally no ball bearing liao.... he treat me lunch for helping him... wa kfc buddy meal... omg! i'm growing a bit too fat now LOL! haha nbm just give me another 3months to wakc myself haha!

reach home like 3 plus... weather was soo hot... i cannot take it and so i took cab home from tang jong ru... reach home watch d.gray man lol this anime is the one that sparks the catching of the piracy online phenomenom and yet i'm watching it online haha

ya O2jam is finally back online and i'm playing it now... trying to train back my skill haha octopus finger...lol

sian la now very shag...slpy but fren still asking me out... haiz... wad to do~!

junwei cannot like that... must wake up! LOL!

ever since 5th May 2010, 2021hrs

2010-04-25T19:00:00.002+08:00

i'm blogging now is be coz i will be out later with guoz to some "siam tio" to drink... tonight is the night to enjoy and that mean that there will be quite a lot of things that need to be done will be delayed... i need to pack up my desktop files and download songs and do a final revision on my songs pack so as to ease up my future DJ dream and to make finding song convenient to me... why all the hussle? coz my current os kana the genuine counterfeit thingy zzz need to reinstall my os wa lan si buay ma fan leh but nvm... i just need to pack and then unpack later... ya yesterday went over to ck's place to do his computer and dunno wads going on... i was hoping that it is just graphic card problem but end up its something more and need his motherboard to be send over for service which i dunno how to... i can only do testing as i dun have the advance testing tool to do it for him so uh hmm! sorry ck, u got to wait awhile...

and to share a bit abt me, my so call "buddy" who used me like one idiot... all i can say is that it is an irreversable past and i dun want to hear any thing regarding to them anymore... enough is enough... its like as if i'm waiting for a little gal to grow up... sacrifice so much for her and yet she dun realise it... i even confess my feelings for her and she somehow reject it and i have to cover it up by saying that i'm joking zzz no want would ever know how i feel... even if there's one, i dun wish to think about it...

today morning wake up quite early to meet elroy go sengkang to play basketball... why sengkang? good question... coz there's gals that is why elroy willing to go so far to play basketball zzz and for me? i can go anywhere just to play basketball... the sun was so scorching that my foot gave way... coz i was wearing slippers to play LOL coz i got no sports shoes... need to buy one liao... was sitting there like coach like that lol... anyway i manage to play for like 2hrs plus until the sky finally rain... we quickly went to seek shelter at a nearby macdonald... had lunch there and we went home and elroy manage to get one of the gal's....erm ... hotmail instead of number LOL! haha think i'm gotta go already... before i go meet guoz i still need to go funan buy dvd to burn haiz... well blog next time chasss~~

ever since 25th April 2009, 1927hrs

2010-04-24T14:54:00.002+08:00

its been a long time since i've last blog... 1 more month and a few days into another year of my NS life ever since my enlistment date... a year more to ORD... it has been my up and down this past year i've been through... i've seen my limit of my physical ability, i've been rich and now i've been reduced to nothing... well i guess god wanted to show me that i can actually do things out of my limit with my inner strenght but it is just that i'm kill by my own laziness... anyway lets talk about today haha...

just book out and went over to ck's house to troubleshoot his comp and lets just hope that its not really graphic card failure hmm then went home to prepare to go out again to meet ck... well gotta go now...

ever since 24th april, 1500hrs

2009-12-29T17:48:00.002+08:00

wow...i last blog on 1st Dec and now already coming end of Dec and coming 2010 new year...well i'm going to be the COS tml and then the day after is count down of the new year and i'll be out to town yea! hehe but dun think got the money to enjoy anyway, its nothing new to me...every count down its just like the other day the day after and the eve it self its just as usual...its just that the streets is crowded with people and laughter everywhere...anyway i hope this coming 2010 will be my year coz 2009 is just a prologue year and 2010 mark the beginning...so wads gonna happen to me for the next 12months? haha dog, walking, dog and more walking and ... more DOGS! haha

well for u guys to know, i have spend around 2k to build my dream comp and i manage to get myself a psp and now i'm having fun with everything i've got but i won't stop here...for me, there's no stopping for the hunger for new things...to have a GF now is a big big no coz i'm now having fun :) having gf now is also a waste of my money and time... cant wait for my overseas plan... mid 2010 i will be going overseas with some of my frens to enjoy :)

yesterday went to some pub and hmm its quite an experience and i thought it out that its still better to club than pub...pub u have to spend minumum of 50 buck and some time even 100 buck one night there...but club, 20 - 30 buck is enough for everything include entrance fee and the cab fare...extra cash in club can buy u a pack of cigarette or any shots some more i can get to enjoy plus gals to see...bad things i just need to tried once and i wont do it again and thats my policy...

ah wadever...i'm going to town already i'm suppose to reach iluma at 8 but its going to 8 and i'm still at home haha! gotta' bounce see ya :P

Tuesday, 29th December 09
blog @ 1954hrs

2009-12-01T18:46:00.002+08:00

its more than half a month since i last blog...just celebrated my birthday last week and ya...one step into another chapter of my life...but i will spend these meaningless days in my new sub unit emo all the way i guess...

well haiz got bitten by dog days ago...though its not deep and i have yet to lose any limp but it leaves a scare that will remind me for the rest of my days here as dog handler...after being bitten, went to wash my wounds and went to rest as i just finish my midnight duties and was too shag for anything...the pain subsided after i'm awake...well everyone keep wanting to have a look at my wound i keep putting my shirt on and off zzz lol...anyway its all ok now i hope...

tml is my duty as NCO/COS and its the 2nd of Dec...i'm so gonna spend my quiet night there doing nothing...shall not blog further as i have nothing to blog hmm anyway i wish her a happy birthday may her dreams and wishes all come true and smile like always like this ^___________^x and stays happy...

i'm gonna build another comp and i'm so happy :)

Tuesday, 1st December 09

blog @ 1858hrs

2009-11-15T04:05:00.002+08:00

my birthday is coming and yet its like just another simple day...if i could, i will turn back time and tell him/her that how special they are and to mane the mistake that i've made in the future which is the "today"...but well its too late now...its not the usual me anymore too...though i keep on saying that i'll do this and that but its like always end up swallowing back my own words and rot there...just when will i forget about going into a relationship... haiz zzz why must i keep on thinking about going into it?? why why why?? well if i know, i won't be here anymore i guess...and well i've just made myself a fool again...is love that so important?? why not money?? can someone tell me? though i know the answer on the surface but i just cant bare to admit the truth...still thinking that i owe ppl quite a lot of things and i have to return but the problem is...how to...*scratching head*...

well well well...come back to today's event so call dota team outing but its just a normal outing...the "stars" are Elroy, Boo Teck, Qing(hengky's big bro) and of coz...me...4 of us went to marina square de yaki & yuki for buffet...after that we went to play pool for a few hour since our show starts at 1215mn...and so we decided to play a bit...then went to 7-11 to buy cigarette and a can of alcohol which i drank last time...its like the long can type of red bull can and its black in color and its 10%...i belive that i blog about it be4 like i went to the same place and bought the same drink and then sat down by the esplanade to emo that time haha...just one can of that can make one "ma bo" already so i belive if u drink a few can of that, u might find urself waking up in the middle of nowhere somehow lol...ya...after a few sticks, finished that can of drink, we went to second floor de starbuck to slack awhile....about 11.30pm, we went to arcade and i play maximum tune...then the show lor...now still bloggin about these shit and yet i cant SLP!!! WHY?? coz later i'm booking in for some kennel washing ZZZ well got to see my EMIR for the last time why not? haha luckily i'm not drunk if not i sure cant take it and fall aslp...haiz shit...the urge of hugging is coming again zzz wa lau sound like some maniac psychotic freak already lor zzz of coz la...if u ppl think dirty then it will make it sounds dirty la...so plz think positively...

i'm already trying very hard to lie and bluff to myself but it seems like its all futile...i'm indeed a weak fella...even doing baiting, i injured my right arm...nearly dislocate my whole arm and my knee cap is feeling pain again...**** !!! and as a best trainee, i find myself to be a simple soldiers and so i hope that the high ranking officer will treat me like a normal human being but not like keep calling me "best trainee"...its damn irritating la...coz wad? emotional impact plus physically crippled and still want to torture me?? ah plz...haiz even if that's the case, all i can do is suck thumb thats why i'm still a living thing till now and that's how i live my BMT days...i'm a fake tough guy actually...

sorry ah...type a lot again and saying nonsense coz i really have nth better to do...feeling shag but cant slp coz later still got to book in...but i think i will be playing my psp till then bah coz the more i type, the more nonsense i'm going to type...till next time...its not me its not me ITS NOT ME!!!

SUnday, 15th November 09

blog @ 0439hrs

2009-11-14T14:26:00.002+08:00

my life will never be the same anymore...feeling fucking pain now...cant cure by just shouting but that would make me feel better just for awhile i guess...scratching my head or shag myself up but still...just for that moment i felt like peace...every part of my body is tingling...just couldn't calm myself down...i want to take every little thing i said and eat it back...i'm just feeling a bit tired...perhaps numb...

2009-11-13T20:08:00.002+08:00

time fly pass fast as my 2 week dog handler course too...i'm just norminated as Best Trainee in Military Working Dog Unit under Military Police command cum Security Trooper sounds cool huh? lol...5 yrs dog handler and 5 yrs infantry for my reservice...and ya haha today i make my first live speech ever! very kan chiong lor haha most of them told me that my speech is so dead haha so am i......

well last week is cindy's sister's birthday and she treats me to karaoke at TopOne just behind bugis juntion...we k from 11pm to 5.30am in the morning lol ! and wad a coincidence la coz its like cindy is with her bf and her sister is with her bf too and siyi is single there and so erm lol...but well i diden even know whether she's single or not but i'm starting to have feelings for her erm just a little bit...manage to get her hp number through cindy which i feel not right and ya i did msg siyi but she nvr reply and so i gave up on her le till the next time we meet up then say bah...

now...problem had just befell on me...why always i had to go through this tough experiences...i thought that her "newly FOUND" bf WILL actually take care of her but he failed me...OUT OF JEALOUSY he scolded her and wanna break up with her well...though i haven gotten much news after that day i called her and she told me wad had happen but i have to feed my dog then half way through de call...i really could not take it anymore too...i've once told myself that if the next guy she had, did not even put in any effort, i will take care of her no matter what but this is not up to me to choose and i cant be selfish too but too bad that they diden know....but as for now i will see what i can do for her...she seems to be avoiding me but also seems not and yet normal...omg wads gal made of? haha funny question that i dun have to ask...i'm so stupid...

ah...i know why up till now i still feel like i've been tied down and just today i found a reason for me to let it go and i hope that this is for real...its easy to say but i guess i have to...haiz

today i have a ST(security trooper) event held at east coast BBQ! but dunno whether wanna go or not...coz i still need to flash my psp...sian alright i shall stop here haha! i thought that well i actually wanted to make this my last blog but haiz i couldn't bare...maybe when the day i really have no internet bah haha! tc login off~~till next time

Friday, 13th November 09
blog @ 2030hrs

2009-11-02T01:17:00.002+08:00

today never went out...stayed at home and slack all day long haha...haiz had been wondering went will my knee heal zzz keep on thinking both my ankle and knee are breaking apart make me feel sick...

anyway, this coming 2 week i'm having k9 dog handling course and in MP command...well hope everything goes smooth there and my future also...well got to slp now le...damn...waking up at 5.30am and i'm still awake here...well good night! :) booking out on friday :)

Monday, 2nd November 09
blog @ 0121 hrs

2009-11-01T02:31:00.002+08:00

yo! i'm back to blog..again...yesterday book out and reach home around 8pm...met Jos around 10pm to Outram to get his car...we later went to eat and went to look for Clara some where near...we chat awhile and decided to come to my house to slack awhile while he find places to go to...later we went to some Thai Disco near Jalan Sultan shopping centre to chill...we drank 3jars of beer...haha when we reach there, it was full house but soon the bouncer let us in...waiter lead us to a table and seperate it into 2 while the other will soon fill with some "good looking gal"...we soon discover that they were china national after some cheers and chatting...it was Jos who did all the talking and i'm the one who did the drinking haha...the place later close at around 3am but we left the place around 3.30am and took a cab home...i was so drunk that i vomited while i was on my way walking home...when i reach home, i quickly wash my face, brush my teeth and straight to bed and the next time i knew was my mum waking me up and asking me whether wanna go out with her to pay some bills and to buy something...i get up and look at the time...damn its already 8am plus i think lol i still feel giddy and head ache but i quickly wake up and brush my teeth, again, and went out with her...came home with a pack of cigarette and a box of cerer for my breakfast :) watch the vampire show all day long till baout 1pm plus and i could not take it and went to bed again...got a call from Ray asking me whether wanna meet Ron and Quan at Cine and i told him okay...well it was around 4pm plus i think hmm...head still giddy now haha still feels like drinking more...kk back to the story...after i hang up the call, i snooze awhile and wake up...well i thought it was already 7pm plus but its just 5pm plus and the sky was like...damn...izzit a spaceship of something "big" above the earth blocking all the sun light LOL it seems like a thunder storm is coming LOL i quikcly close all the window and went for a shower...took a cab and reach Cine about 6.30pm....well i was the "first" one who reach there as in i was late in the way coz Ron had waited for me like an hour already ops...psps and Quan soon arrive and met us but Ray is like still on his way riding bike and so we decided to go to place some arcade but still after a few games, he still yet to come and so i decided to do some window shopping on the way down and to buy ticket at b1 and then went to smoke a stick and he still yet to COME omg...after 2 hour had pass...about 8pm, i did a last call to him but could get through and so i've decided to go eat without him...but he soon arrive after we took our orders...and well, we had dinner together...he later told me that he's not watching the show coz he is going to meet his fren and Ron is not watching too coz he decided to go meet his GF and go to night safari and so i ate the 2 ticket myself and suck thumb had to watch the show with only Quan...but be4 the show starts, we went to place some snooker...after Ron left, we went to palce lan...haha Ray and Quan against me they still lose and i dun understand why they lose zzz the conclusion is they are not a match to me wahahah! wa lau they got 1 luna and a zeus and yet lose to a low hp razor lol 2 spammer but yet lose to a farmer...i got my first blood with heml dom and a power thread and had a double kill twice be4 my my first death...got another 2 time double kill with another lothar edge and that is it...i later farm a demon edge and a hOd ( hood of defiance ) and all the way i own and end them with mkb ( monkey king bar ) and its only less then 30mins...i used up the starting money to get a power thread and a helm dom...

after an hour of gaming, went for last smoking session with ray and left Quan and i for the show...well the show i watched was "SawVI" hmm this seems to be the ending to all...if u had watched the previous sequel then this is a "must watch" show ya its a 90mins show...hmm and just now reach home abour 2am...bathe and here i am sitting in front blogging...

haiz dunno why i'm having the urge of hugging someone...this urge is really pushing me to the limit that i'm going to explode some time...i always wonder if she can give me the last chance, what can i give her? izzit really love or its just the emptiness...i do miss her time to time and the feeling is not fading but changed but what izzit changed to is still a dunno to me till i try it out but this time round i'm not going to be selfish and hide anything...but this seems to be like a wishful thinking...hor? lol ...well i dun wanna think about it as for now...all i want now is a beer and to drunk myself tonight...well gonna stop here and i'm going down to get some beer...bye~~ blog again...

Sunday, 1st November 09
blog @ 0308 hrs

2009-10-27T19:51:00.002+08:00

i have think it through...got to sort ways to achieve peace in my mind...its to be me :) haha this may sound stupid but i have to try...no more crazy stuff haha...stop thinking about useless stuff...gonna book in soon...this urban ops shud be quite fun :)

Tuesday, 27th October 09
blog@1955hrs

2009-10-27T14:41:00.002+08:00

well...yesterday after going home for dinner, came home with mum and i forget about going anywhere but to buy some beer to chill out aT my "old" place where i used to stay aT a staircase...smoke a few sticks with a few cans of beer...well its been like years and its like nothing change but only the way i live my life...maybe nothing had change at all ! its always be coz of someone that changes everything...from a normal family become an abnormal family living in a totally different enviroment...the love that i try to sort i now then realise its just that human closeness and that emptiness i'm trying to fill in...but why do i have to think that way ? i guess i'm crazy...i'm on the verge of breaking down...its just that when will it happen...maybe i'm just thinking too much...dunno why some time it seems like i'm getting hold of myself but some time i'll just do or thinking about something stupid why why why??~~~

slept early yesterday night and wake up very early tonight be4 8am...went to do some grocery with mum and had breakfast together....the she went home about 11am and i continue to watch my date with a vampire part 1...just cooked myself meggie mee with vegie, prawns and fishballs lol...while watching show...well i dun think i'll be signing on le...think i'll be going to k9 unit or stay at 8 SIR...wanted to faster come out to this society and i won't want to regret ever be4 i choose to do anything...there's no short cuts for everything...walk on stone is better than swim across coz i cant swim =.='' ...well had been wondering around the internet for quite some time and ermm hmm dunno what to say...i just miss my weekend outing and haha...just dunno why i've thousands of reason for not doing things that i suppose to do even if its just right in front of me...dun say suppose to do la...say about what i CAN do...haiz thousand and one regret all over my face lol ! i thought i've crawl out but it seems like i'm in another war zone now...when will this war ends??

well later going to meet Raymond at Kallang Mrt station and book in camp together and tml we'll be going to UO (urban ops) again for Wednesday and Thursday but this time we get to come back to camp and slack hmm and this si going to my last week of this course training...

all i have to say is that i've always wanting to be with you but i still could not find the courage...
i dun mind if its too late or not...to see you smile i'll be content...
hypocrite indeed i am but isn't everyone is?
what matter is how you think and what you want it to be...
just wanna say...its been hell to me for the last 60days be4 i got enlisted...
stop talking crap like even if we are together, we wont be like what we used to be...
if you ever thinking of being together then why are you leaving me ?
maybe you hinted me be4 but i choose not to admit...
but i've done so much isn't that so obvious?
i just could not find the courage...
dun take drug anymore...
its heart aching for me to see you vomit again...
i will always remember...
i will never forget...
take care...

Tuesday, 27th October 09
blog@1520hrs

2009-10-26T18:48:00.002+08:00

well back to blog...again...

friday got to book out and yes i went out to enjoy...met adeline yeo and one of her fren and we went to iluma's Suites to K and drink lots of beer...think wad we did most was drink and listen to songs rather than singing since we are at a karaoke and it seems a little funny but i dun mind...anyway i also did open up and speak with adeline and well...after we finish our drink there and we went home...i was too drunk so erm nvr bathe and *boom*! i go to bed hahawake up about 11am and watch show till around 12noon, i cook meggie mee with prawns haha yummy...and continue to watch show till evening and i was like so late already la and still at home coz i need to book in be4 8pm and it was already 7pm haha quickly do some laundry and bathe then off i go...took a cab and reach there just on time...

yesterday was my ATP erm forgot what the word were but its a test on ur marksmanship and guess wad...****ing hell!! all i need is just 1 shot and i can get 200 buck le lor wa lau...night shoot is just too hard...cant see a think...hard to aim also...night shoot consist of twelve shots...the first half is that the target with lighting but the second half is like pitch black with just flashing lights and i could not even aim coz i could not even see my cross hair zzz i thought i nvr miss a single target and i was sooo happy until our Major break the scores to us and i was like NOOOO!!! i hit 28/36 target zzz JUST ONE MORE SHOT!!! argh!! ah haha nvm its ok anyway i'm happy that i pass my ATP if not i need to do reshoot...yesterday night book out around 1am and i was so lucky that my bunkmate is riding bike and he offer a ride and so i reach home be4 2am...we were like so shag la haha after reaching my area, we slack awhile...one stick and a can of red bull and off her go and i went to buy Macdonald for supper...reach home and watch my show again haha...slept about 4.33am...

well today did nothing much but watch my show again haha...now i'm going back puggol for dinner and still thinking whether to go marina square there slack or not coz i'm too bored and like emo leh got things wanna say but just cant find someone to share with and it seems like i'm the total fool...maybe there is things which i dun wanna admit hmm well i shall see...

gonna blag again soon...bye

Monday, 26th October 09
blog@1911hrs

2009-10-18T18:55:00.002+08:00

...yesterday is the day when i found myself to be the fool again zzz

anyway after Elroy and vin reach my house, we went to Queens Town ikea just to buy desk rubber mat...after that went to the shopping centre coz elroy wanted a new shoes and went home after that...after finish my dinner with my mum that she brought from Punggol, i went to tiger's old place where he celebrate his birthday...met lots of old and new fren there and had a few beers with them...i went to meet cindy after he cut his birthday cake...well got to catch a movie with them again...the movie i watch was "Sorority" well its not a show to watch as you will find it waste of money...

well when i just reach there i thought that Cindy would be with See Yee but to my suprise, she was with other guy erm soon after i realise that he's actually he's her BF!! WTF! after all this month chatting with her and i even told her how i fell towards her and this is the suprise she gave me?? omg...well this time i really give up on her already and to my suprise, whenever i chat with see yee and look at her, got this strange feeling and is really getting my nerves...really...i'm going crazy...found myself flirting around already and the feeling is damn fucked up and still dunno how and why...i'm really twisted inside already...but somehow i also felt lifted...dunno why...i'm stuck at a cross road, dunno which way to go...dunno whether i'm ready to go for it or not even i choose the road i'm taking...i'm kind off sick and tired of finding the *LoVe* but instead i will return to the wait and see *de wo*(me)...well really lor haha just to think about how *we* know and met and become together really want to laugh out loud lor haha! well wad i mean is that itsa really happy one but not to mock that someone and hope that she dun misunderstand wad i mean here... :P well many thanks and sorry though and i shall not blog about it anymore...

Just hope that you are happy ^__________^*

well i think tml will be our ICCT ( Intermediate close combat training ) grading le...meaning its a test if its not, then i will be happy coz its just physically if not, a test will be tested on ur senses and technique...omg my buddy's arms are about to break already if its a test that they are talking about, i think the precious arm of his will really break thanks to me LOL! and after days of resting my whole body aCHES! haha! then it comes our shooting training, again...coz this coming weekend we will be doing a run down shoot and will be tested on ur aiming and will be reward with cash if u got marksmanship wooT! and this is wad i wanted and dream of!! wahaha i'm soo happy coz this coming week will be a slacking week too! haha hope so bah *sigh* well its already this late hmm i'm going to pack my stuff le...well till next time ! bye~

Sunday, 18th October 09
blog@1920hrs

2009-10-17T01:44:00.003+08:00

wow...time really fly fast...another 2 week in 2PDF is the end of my course already and there goes to my army life...another 1yr and 7 plus month to ORD...well though i had already sign on but the contract is still in the process and i'm having my second thought already...the feeling of cant wait to go back to study and thinking of doing things slowly...i dun want to take any furhter short cuts anymore coz its tiring for me...i've learn to do things with patience...step by step is more steady coz i cant be fast and smooth that way...only yo find myself falling every time...

well this week was pwack with ICCT ( intermediate close combat training )...learn break fall and locks...well i fall till my whole body ache like anything...my finger and arms are about to break LOL! anyway its fun ! ... next week well...i'm going to get ready for my marksmanship examination ! yeaH! going for ATP and hope i get 32 out of 32 so that i can get extra 200 buck! haha

well just book out and come back to my home straight...actually just now shud meet my bunkmate all but we find that its going to be a bit harsh and so we decided to cancel the outing and now at home doing some computer stuff...haiz hope that i can get to meet Cindy tml if not my saturday will be wasted...dunno why i keep dreaming about her...dreams are all just dream right? sigh...well gonna stop here le...tml i'm pack with events haha! will blog soon bye!~

Saturday, 17th October 09
blog@0155hrs

2009-10-09T17:33:00.002+08:00

yo I'm back...this field camp is...tiring for me haiz i think the reason is lack of exercise :P anyway today i got to book out early and here i am...reach home at around 4 pm plus...

well i guess this week I'm gonna be bored but well this is the time i get my rest :) but will still miss the night activity...Cindy they all are going to msia and I'm taking a break off from Elroy lol...this weekend I'm simply quite lonely...dunno why this week i keep dreaming about we patching up and always end up waking myself up half way through my sleep...its like having heart attack and being erm well too emotional i shud say for this week...but no matter what, after today, there will always be a tomorrow and what I've done will be yesterday and I'm so scared of what will happen next to me again...had been in lots of accident and carelessness this week...hell for me...all of my platoon mate had been telling me that I'm not as focus as it used to me the pass weeks...maybe I'm restless bah...coz uncle need more rest u know? haha and ya hope that Ck's tml most important date will come true and a happiest one for him :)

well ck, no matter what there's always disappointment...

but whatever it may be, if you know that you had done your best...

it will be okay....

but if it turns out to be a good day and no disappointment...

all the best to you then :) ya!

haha my mum just came over with our lunch box brought over from punggol that my aunt cooked and dine together...after that, i went to play my guitar...i guess its out of tune and so i went to tune my guitar...and its like !! all my string are out of tune like one kind haha! but i have tuned it back and sound alright now haha...and guess what...i still cant even play a song yet...can only play half way but could not concentrate on the song la haha! sian no time to practice and is like rusty liaoz...and ya also hope that i can get to meet Bala(my snoooker instructor and also my previous unit platoon mate) and play snooker with him again :)

hmm no matter what i got to tell myself that she's not here anymore...why every time i thought that i can but ended up all went wrong...what's wrong with me?? haiz

Friday, 9th October 09

blog@1825hrs

2009-10-04T18:25:00.002+08:00

wa lau...today is really a "painful" day for me...hour by hour pass like this...to say something funny, i really feel like crying out loud some time haha! just now about 2pm went to beach road to get my field pack stuff coz this coming week i'll be going to out field...hope that i can book out this coming Friday EARLY!

just hope that i can book in on Monday coz only got to go enjoy my day on Saturday night but what about Sunday?? book in lor zzz sian...only if i can book out everyday and go out find frens, watch movie or even chill with them i'm very happy already...if not, every time like this sitting at home doing nothing...just wanted to do something meaningful on my every book out and only a few time i feel meaningful...haha! maybe because i'm going field camp already that's why mood swing like fuck...some more just now watching Rambo part 1 & 2...wa i really feel damn emo...cant i watch something more meaningful de show...now i just wanna faster get my contract ARGH~~

wow cindy can really slp...she just wake up haiz just hope that i can slp like her also...k le la gonna blog again next time...bye~

Sunday, 4th October 09

blog@1911hrs

2009-10-04T03:19:00.002+08:00

shit...i'm here drunking myself again...why??~~~i'm now drinking AMSTERDAM Maximator 11.6%...this is crazy...last week drank Baron 8.8%...i'm starting to wonder where am i going off to already...haiz

ck reach my house around 1pm and we leave about 2pm and off to town we go...went back punggol for dinner...reach about 8pm zzz well was feeling lonely and so i msg cindy asking her whether she want to watch movie and she said yes! haha i was soo happy...well i waited for 62 for like hlaf an hour la zzz reach home after finish dinning, straight away pack my stuff and went back to bendemeer and prepare to meet cindy...went to take cab though she told me to take my time but she was alone and dun wanna let her wait and so i took cab and reach there like 5mins la haha well we also meeting her sister they all as well...went down to buy ticket and went up to play some arcade...we were watching Surrogate...starring Bruce willius or william zz shit forgot his name ah wadever anyway...the show is okok but lack of actions la but still can make it...but..haiz i brought my jacket along thought can share it with cindy but see yee was sitting beside me and erm well...ended up sharing it with her zzz but its ok la...just feel a bit sad though...but after the show, we got to walk together to the bus stop haha feel so happy...got to chat with her and she keep smiling at me the whole day!! wahaha! but dunno whether its a false alarm or wad haiz!! how how!! just now msg her that erm next time company u take nr la end up nver reply again zzz haiz i dun care anymore...let see when will she reply me...k le la i'm gonna finish my drink and faster go bathe and go slp le...tml still need to go beach road and get my field camp stuff zzz see bei ba huan...

i stranded and tired...

Sunday, 4th October 09

blog@0340hrs

2009-10-03T02:57:00.002+08:00

yeah! I'm back haha! back from the hectic training and busy schedule this week in camp *sigh* ... practically I've been my platoon IC for almost 2 week due to the current IC incapability zzz i keep shouting here and there...FALL IN NOW! FALL IN PROPERLY! SO THAT IC CAN COUNT STRENGTH! and shouting timing... LEFT LEFT RIGHT LEFT LOL!!! i did count strength from time to time EVEN I"M NOT IC ANYMORE!! haha anyway I'm fine with it coz i like to help here and there plus round around like mad dog also can...coz good performance equal to good compliment...anyway that's my nature for doing things...until that kind of extent till everyone keep saying me garang this and that and starts to push everything to me but there's still some who support me and i thank them...only one of my section is pushing things to me so ya still can handle...but the schedule is tight like ass la...

today shud be booking out after lunch but end up booking out at 8pm zzz still have to volunteer myself to help IC completing his job haha! then one of my fren keep on complaining say wad just go only la IC will do everything and he also complain that he's been sweating like hell...lol anyway i reach home by 10pm and had my dinner and reach bendemeer around 11pm...watch news and download beach haha...play stupid game and just finish watching bleach only...

haha i keep emphasizing that I've become what i can't be right? and so i did...i did something that i used to dun dare to say at all de lor...LOL! i told Cindy that i like her and ask her whether can accept me or not LOL! while waiting for her reply i keep on thinking...shit zzz feels like wrong timing leh...and ya really wrong timing...she did not even reply at all until i msg her that I'm just bring honest with my feeling stuff like this la and if you can't accept i hope that this sudden thing won't scare you off and we are still frens ya...and she finally reply with a yes...quite relief though coz its like at least i tried and i got an answer haha well at least now she know my existence and hope time will bring us together but things might not be that smooth as it might be...dunno la zzz i'm just angry at myself that why i did not do such thing when i got the time with baby(hui shi) zzz damn angry lor...and now she's with another guy and starts to play m.i.a with me again la see Junwei, happy liao la haha! thought part of me keep telling me that now is not the time for any relationship coz i'm really unsure abd doubting what will happen next then...get what i mean? lol but never give it a shot or a try, I'll never know right? maybe scared of rejection? dun think so bah ah~~whatever to this relationship shit...not handsome and no financial also...

haha I'm here yawning already...tml still needs to meet ck out to do his phone and have chit chats with him...and shit lor...dunno when my another 250 buck is coming in...hope it come in fast coz my tempt to get new computer part is there again!! KNS! haha wasting money again...well got to slp now le...nights nights~~

It feel good to be flattered...

It feel good to be commented...

It feel bad when got insulted...

It feel bad when people just ignore you...

Well...

It feel good when you are talking...

It feel good when someone is listening...

It feel better when being console...

And...

Giving up is easier than pushing on...

Picking up something new make you feel refresh...

...

But this whole process will just keep going round and round...

Matter of fact is that how your mind really works...

While I'm marching 24km,

I'll take any opportunity possible to slack down...

Feet hurt...

Arms numb...

At the point of giving up...

how?

While running 2.4km,

Legs feel tired...

Running out of breathe...

At the point of giving up...

how?

yes...the above phrases are things that we can redo but there's certain things in your life where scenario cant be undo and redo...so why not live the best out of it? ya? whatever things you do, give in all your best and use whatever mean to accomplish it...when you pick up a task, there always a mission...so what's your mission?

Saturday, 3rd October 09

blog@0342hrs

2009-09-27T19:00:00.002+08:00

eh ya yesterday went to watch movie with Cindy they all...thought that we are watching movie at The Cathay beside Ps de and so i got out and walk all the way there...end up confirm is at Cineleisure...suck thumb lor...walk all the way back to Cineleisure haha! at first i saw Siyi coz she always wear the same shirt de lor haha! then i saw Cindy...she after work come down straight and haven eat yet and so we went to have dinner at Pastamania...and ya kelvin was there...i finally had my Tiramisu ah~~~Cindy had cream of chicken spaghetti and a combo C...forgot wad the rest eat liaoz lol! ah ya her sister order into the cinema then kelvin eat nachos then he keep complaining that the cheese doesn't taste like cheese then want to complain but stopped by me zzz coz i eat it and taste ok mah wa lau this kelvin really very typical on every thing...always want to complain haha! then we go up shop shop buy things walk here walk there go toilet all this then went in about 11.20pm...

well this 4bia 2 is a really typical Thailand horror film...scare ppl by using surprise and sound...there's total of 5 story...first story is about karma, second story is tell ppl dun be so keh poh LOL! dun too KPO and trouble won't find u la...third story is a typical L4d lol...fourth story is tell ppl dun be a fucker do fucker business or else it will come to ur demise...wa the last story is cock lor...interested? go watch la haha! last story is damn funny...

after the show dunno why got damn emo...like got things wanted to say but scared and dunno how to say...and so went to buy some drink and drunk myself...well i thought it through and hmm maybe its really time...anyway i went home la...but before i went up, i went to do some pull up and haha! i can finally do 6 reps then today did 7 haha! so happy...anyway i reach home faster bathe and faster go slp le...but wake up at morning 9am coz i heard mym mum slapping something and so i wake up and ask wad my mum is doing lol she told me that there's mosquito LOL! wake up and erm ya went down with my mum do some grocery...come back home slack like one kind haha! took cab went back Punggol just now just to get my gutters zzz come back here Bendemeer again for my dinner and now blogging and slack again...going to meet one of my bunk mate at Kallang mrt at about 9.10pm...

k le la i got to get ready le...next week bah i hope i can book out on Friday...

when you are walking...

do you always look back and make sure that your shadow is there?

when you feel thirsty...

will you go hydrate yourselves?

when you finish a stick of cigarette and you threw it away...

will you still remember where you throw the day after next?

yes but you won't care or give a damn anymore...

coz not everything is perfect in this world...

what's yesterday is yesterday...

what's today is today...

what's tomorrow is tomorrow...

what i mean is...

life still goes on...

Sunday, 27th September 09

blog@2036hrs

2009-09-26T19:21:00.002+08:00

well today just got to book out...damn tired...be my platoon ic for 4days already is like fucking shag but got to control 60 man is like a "WOW" to me...last time 29 man still okok then now 59 lol! but haha shiok la like SGT already lor haha...well overall, shagness is haunting ME!! well just now go back Punggol straight for my early dinner and come back to Bendemeer straight...preparing for my night activity with Cindy woot! candle light dinner haha! no la... -_-'' meeting Guoz and his GF, Cindy, Siyi and Cindy's sister and her sister's BF lol! long ya? haha roughly 7 of us...watching 4bia part 2 later well dunno wad part 1 was all about but still i'll just watch...

this few days in camp...hmm i'm just like a smoking machine...well i realize that in camp if really "own time own target" smoking break, 1 pack of cigarette is not enough...LOL i WANT TO CUUTT!!! DOWN!!! but cant la so i'll just smoke lor...this book in bring 2 pack in wahaha!

well kinda miss the days when i go pubbing and clubbing with GUoz haha! maybe the month after next i save more money then i'll go enjoy lo! haha and ya next year we are going to Thailand and enjoy hmm dunno whether our plan will goes on smoothly coz currently Elroy's mum is having some problem and i hope she recover soon...and ya Elroy and i still have things to fulfill that is to upgrade our computer...i left only 1 processor, rams and a new 700w - 800w power supply while Elroy is going to get ready a sum of around 2k to do everything...as u can see the newest processor "i core7" is like ranging from 0.8k to like 1.6k ++...so imagine just the processor only spend this much already...ARGH!! dun talk about computer liaoz head ache only...still owe Diners 1k over zzz every month go to bill them 100 at least so that they can negotiate with me...

well..i can only say i'm stupid thats all...shag cannot think thats why...i'm always STUPID! why?? i can spend like 20 over dollars for a stupid clock...isn't that stupid?? then like last week, i spent 90 dollars on a new cpu cooler fan then in the end, found out that my cpu casing is like still small for that to fit...if i were to fit it in, i got to remove a fan inside so bo bian...its like a $12 vs a $90 thing...but the solution is to remove the fan inside and put it on the outside instead of inside...look a bit wrong but bo bian...for the sake of "cooling" it...ya and i got a new so call "project" but is more like an experiment which is to build a new CPU and soak it with mineral oil ! haha! well i shall not talk more about it haha! if its a success, i'll make a short video of it for u guys to see...erm i dun even own a camera phone right now lol~~~

well now waiting for my mum to came and i can go le...blog later tonight bah..going to watch 4bia 2 @0000hrs...maybe reach home about 3-4am bah...and ya tml i'll be booking by 2300hrs haha! some more can where civilian clothing haha! cya cya cya~~~~

Its like a dream~~~

Saturday, 26th September 09

blog@1946hrs

2009-09-23T00:53:00.002+08:00

well...i think i've proven myself something that is i'm not going crazy when its not necessary...its just that i'm went crazy out of boredom that's all...so erm am i still going kee siao? i dunno coz i can't really laugh today in camp...maybe too tired and that prove that i'm still a normal human being haha! i'm just BORED!!~~ oh ya why am i out here on weekdays? coz due to some reason, all of us get to book out today just now around 7pm...zzz best part is i got into the wrong bus and went the opposite direction and ended up at the far end of Pioneer where its near to Joo Koon zzz by the time i reach home its like 10pm already zzz sian!!! just now bought a can of beer while walking towards Pw's house to meet him for supper...well i think i'm getting used to alcoholic drinks to destress...i just wonder how long will that last? hmm and ya i just broke one of my promise to myself earlier today...i SMOKE IN CAMP! hor seh! i dun think i can cut down on my nicotine consumption already lor...argh! wadever coz its not for someone else to see or hear...its for my own good and this is the path i choose and i shall be smoker than! so be it wahaha! well this year i'm 22 and i'm still like 16 17 yrs old haha! well i just hope that i can keep this spirit of mine high enough to pull through any difficulty i may be facing...

today my warrant officer called me and told me that my contract will be ready soon...but might get rejected...but i hope that its a good news to come bah...and i might sign on till i retire hmm i wonder...haha Pw is going to move into a new condo kns! just hope that i can be able to make it for his house warming bah...sian later gonna wake up at 5.30am and book in by 7.30am then book out by this Saturday afternoon zzz k le la have to go slp le...nights

life still go on like always...

there's always a challenge in life you have to win...

so that your life will become colorful after black and white...

right? isn't it...

life is just that simple :)

Wednesday, 23th September 09

blog@0108hrs

2009-09-21T16:32:00.002+08:00

today i lose myself to insanity...just going crazy around its like the demon inside me had been set lose...just when will i regain conscious? i do not know...just before my mind take drastic change whether to my character or what, i just wanna write it all down to at least let myself know better within myself...this may sound like a nonsense to some but i really dunno how to put it...maybe I'm just acting stupid lol...

Monday, 21th September 09

blog@1643

2009-09-20T13:01:00.003+08:00

my army posting takes me to a whole new enviroment this coming week...been posted to Clementi Camp and my vocation will be a Regimental Police there...how nice...will be there for 6 weeks while waiting for my sign on vocation to call me and process the applications...well as a RP i only know that its like a guarding dog and erm doing stuff much like MP ( Military Police ) but i heard that as a RP is a rank much more higher than a MP hmm i wonder...

came home on Friday night with mum to tidy up this Bendemeer house...my house now is much more tidy unlike what it used to be so untidy...feel much more better and you guess what?! haha the TV cupboard now sits on the study table LOL! then the TV is like high up there haha! then the same night i went to meet 2 of my bunk mate coz one of them is a coach for Pool and Snooker in a church new outram...he real good man! but when he's in bunk, haha i always have to wake him up lol! then yesterday was sooo sooo bored like anything...around 7pm went out alone...went to funan IT mall initially wanted to go there to find Cindy couldn't find her but anyway i was busy shopping...went to challenger and bought a new headphone with mic and i like it haha well...dunno what to do and so went to the overhead bridge that connect funan to the other side...standing there and smoke while trying to see i will miss how many 147...end up 4...LOL just less than 10mins, 4 147 pass by already and i was like WTF??? and so i went down to the bus stop after i finish my cigarette...and ended up waited for 15mins zzz haha! the lesson is that some time in your life, dun stand there and wait for things to happen...we all need to do the right thing at the right time and moment...hmm dunno whether izzit true but sounds true to me...never went home straight instead, i went to eat pig organ soup and walk home...well it was raining and so i was drenched...luckily i never get cold or anything...reach home about 10.30pm with some beers with me, bathe, sit in front of my comp while watching tv and "drink to the point of thrist" LOL!! haha went to slp early at 1am...so shag but dun feel like sleeping but cant be help coz REALLY NOTHING TO DO~~~lol...wake up at 9am today...went down at about 10.30am to get my clocks...wa both my clock sad story haha! all fell and broke their arms and now playing M.I.A with the shop keeper LOL!! but think i'm going down now le la...the shop keeper told me that they might be back at 2pm...i go down now and have my lunch first then slowly walk to the shop and get my clocks back...well see ya ! blog again later! hmm might be going out later but dunno where to go again...ah ya will be going to sim lim square to get new fan for my cpu...

what happened, it will happen again...

what have yet to happen, it will happen also...

its just the matter of time...

practice make perfect...

Sunday, 20th September 09

blog@1403hrs

2009-09-15T15:41:00.000+08:00

well...my POP parade was a good one but my leg was aching like one kind !! imagine standing there like one statue for 30 - 45 minutes haha no one went to my parade to help me wear my cap and so, my SGT, CSM, RSM, 2LT Eugene and 2 of our OCs come help me wear and have a small chit chat with me!!! wa i feel damn honored la haha! after the parade finish, we rush back to our company line and get our so called "last" pumping tekaning session LOL! take our field bag and off we go! that night when i reach home i was so shag that i can barely move at all~~~but i still manage to come back to bendemeer...dunno why just miss bendemeer badly haha! come back here as usual lor...on my comp and dunno do wad...i also 4got wad time i go bed...sianz!! oh! remember liaoz lol...meet elroy around 1am+ and went to Mustafa LOL! wanted to buy basketball de but end up spent 20 over dollars on a stupid clock haha! and another 20 over dollars on air refresherner and night snack...reach home about 3 - 4 am + and went straight to bed after bathe...

hmm as for Thursday, met guoz and elroy and went to the first day of the PC show...haha went to second floor and saw this interesting magic jelly LOL!! this jelly is not for u to eat but to help clean things like keyboard and things where ur cloth cant reach coz this magic jelly can actually sink into the keyboard and stick all the dirt out but the only flaws is that it will stick to things that is dry but overall hmm not a bad jell....then there's this singtel biding event haha! some of the phone is worth the bide but once the price is over the market price for example, a Nokia music express 5600 staring price 50...if it went over 120, can F off from there already haha! we went up to 3rd floor and take a quick glance at the starhub booth...it actually took out all the ball room inside for registry blah blah blah...wow! went another floor up...try to find Cindy at the Cannon booth but well no luck! haha well on the 5floor is like nth can catch my eyes and so we decided to go up next floor...our mission; to find hardware like graphic card, motherbaord etc but first day is like can go suck cock lor zzz haha and ya saw Ly there LOL! she look at me like kana scare by ghost...hey do i really look like one? or the person beside me? LOL! anyway the Razer booth is just beside and haha finally saw GRAPHIC CARD!!! hahathe price is really worth it, elroy and i wanted to wack but end up nvr coz we reminded ourselves we dun need it yet haha! went all the way down and take bus 133 to bugis to get my belt coz i'm wearing jean and i dun have a belt with it!! and ITS DROPPING LOL!!! bo bian la cock too heavy LOL!! ah joking~~went straight to 77th street and took a white color belt hmm well decided to try a different color but got commented by guoz saying that it look gay LOL! in my heart i just say wadever coz this is wad i want haha! after that, we went to iluma to catch a movie at 0015hrs but be4 that, as usual lor they went to catch their soft toy and i was like slping there lor haha too tired...when i was hoping i can have something to hug onto, guoz hand over my one big back of soft toy LOL!! haha! and so i hug and close my eyes and say, WA! rest rest!! shag shag~~we watch the show call "Blood Ties" its a Singapore cum Hong Kong show...quite a nice show with a nice ending...not complicated at all...after the show we went home...

Friday hmm...went back to punggol for early dinner...dunno where to go after that so i decided to take 136 towards AMk...wanted to go PC show by change to 133 at Amk ave1 but end up alight at Yio Chu Kang road and take 147 instead and went back home...meet elroy and elvin for steamboat for dinner at whampoa drive...went home after that and reformat my computer to vista...Friday's kinda boring...saded

As for Saturday, went to meet ck at Sim Lim square coz his bro wanna look for a new computer...so i went to meet them and gave some advice...after that, we went to PC show...this time, i bought a new graphic card! Power Color HD4870 1GB GDDR5 woot!! she's my goddess now lol! everyday i pray her wahaha!! bo liao...about 8pm + like that ck says he wan to go bugis meet his bro and so we took 133 and he alight at bugis but i went home...install the new graphic card and haha dunno wad to do again and so i play c&c: kane's wrath to test it out and #$%^&*! for what? i dun know also but i just wan it so badly till i'm quite broke now....going to annouce bankruptcy liaoz lol!

Sunday meet elroy and elvin again about 12noon + at my house market here to have our lunch...wa i miss the beef like anything haha! after that we went to pc show for one last time coz elvin wanted to sign a new starhub internet connection but the qeueu is damn long and so he leave his name now and the staff new promise to reserve him the promotion till tml which is this Wednesday...well practically we went up and down the convention hall...after that we decided to go to Tower4 to play arcade haha! went home early that day coz my mum is coming back from msia that evening and so we leave for home at about 6pm...that night slept at about 4am+ lol!

Monday i wake up very early at about 7.30am ++ coz my mum wanted to go SIR building to renew her passport...well the service that now is like sux la cb...anyway after that, we went to have lunch at the beach road market and we went to marina square to get some wall paper for our msia relative...no point stating the reason...anyway we reach home at about 1pm ++ and play some dota with elroy...well dunno why i got Monday blue zzz getting sooo emo for dunno wad fuck shit...anyway meet elroy for dinner and went to ikea at queens way to buy a new desk for our computer....wa really lor haha we we continue to be like "gay" together ah i really dunno wads the different between us but haha thats a joke...no matter wad i;ll still know the different between me and him...he still has an attitude to change and character...went home and d.i.y the table and ta da! haha like it so much now but dunno wad am i going to do with the table that Ly's uncle had given me months ago....dunno whether my mum still wants it or not...haha i want everything new!! cant wait to move outta here...ya after the table finished, played maple with them till like 2am plus and i went to slp le...

Today haiz...wake up like 12noon and went for lunch at about 1pm after that, went to sim lim square to get crossfirex cable...i spent $40 on that haha! just now tried it out but...like wasting money sia...my second card like low end lor...nvm about that already then my ccc dun have the CrossFirex option!! CB!! sua...and now blogging...sian...after this one more stick and i'm off to punggol le...then book in back to camp...well for this week i thing i'm gonna wack myself inside and let sun light shine on me more..WHY?? COZ I WANT TO PASS MY IPPT AND I WANT SILVER!!! arHG!!! haha anyway other than this optional task, we got movie SCREENING!! YEA!! haha and we gonna book out on this FRIDAY!!! WAHAHHA!! and boook back in on the monday night!!! YEAHRFH!$%*^&*((!! lol...despite all this welfare-ness i'm having this weekend, i feel so down...no luck...but there's signs~~lol! i'm crazy...signing off!

Tuesday, 15th September 09

blog@1721hrs

2009-09-15T01:10:00.003+08:00

no new posting...will consolidate what i've done this book out tml!! guys here, prepare to read a thousand words compo bah wakakaka!!

Tuesday, 15th September 09

was written @ 0112hrs

2009-09-06T08:44:00.003+08:00

FINALLY!!! i've COMPLETED MY 24km road march! YEA!! cat1 saved our live! really man...if never rain i think we will be like dead la...when the rain came, we evacuated to the nearest tunnel and rest there for an hour or two coz i nvr see wad time was then and i also dunno how i fall aslp..when i realise it, i was awake already zzz went to find latrine point LOL then the officer still can make fun by asking me whether can tahan or not if not go pee into one of the recruits mouth while they are slping LOL!! nvm...the most funny part was they ask me to leopard crawl out and dun get caught while finding latrine point...obviously they are joking la so they told me just dun get caught and find a latine point that got no light as in no one can see me de la... and so i went out and then i know why...coz from left to right is all lamp post and the opposite is just condo LOL! i was thinking wtf! where to pee sia haha wake quite awhile to find a nice spot where the tree is big enuff to block me from the on coming traffic and the lightings zzz pee for quite awhile ( store a lot sia ) went back and its already my turn to gaurd the area coz we are in public area plus we have "dangerous" weapon with us...so we need to like while some of us are slping, the few will help to guard them...its wad they call 1 3rd alert...stupid la wadever...set off again at around 0530hrs and continue our road march at ECP...sang lots of sone along the way...making a U-turn at fort road and then back to a big field after Macdonald there...haha it already 0615hrs LOL! we wake 8km in 1hour lor and we dun even realise that...hmm i think i'm the only one know about this...anyway our breakfast was a suprised one haha they bought us each a macMuffin with suasage :) how nice was that...did cool down and a de-brief from our OC and around 0700hrs went back to camp...reach there at abt 8am...we were damn shag la haha and yet they still wan to conduct a Stanby Area but i was suprised that they diden even check thoroughly la haha i still tell one of my bunkmate who is standing beside me that SIAO LIAOZ LA all nvr do cleaning...sure do pt de lor but GUESS WAD! haha they went in and just came out like that and told us to fall in down stairs with our field pack haha! finally can book out but our neighbours platoon isn't that lucky like us...we waited for them like an hour or so due to their standby area sux plus they are having integrity between the sgt and themselves...that is sux la all get the best of the best tekaning session from their commanders i can tell u that...

took a cab home and go slp after i unpack my field pack and bathe...6pm like that wake up for dinner...wait for my bro to pick my mum and me up to bendemeer to get his stuff...and ya i think my left knee cap is having problem inside le...and i sprain my both ankle 2 time each which is 4 time in total during this road march zzz my lower limb is really chui to the core liaoz...can fight with someone else liao haha! guess that person right will get a prize from me haha! reach home and did nth...literatly nth...now see my computer like...wad can i do with this comp? lol see the games i have is like wa lau play wad sia...this also sian that also sian...coz i'm now in NS...no time to play...dota also no one to play with...C&C can play but elroy dun wan zzz i also lazy call him...yesterday night he went to darick house so nvr play game with him...i went to mac at around 1am or so to buy the mega mac spicy haha! but eat half way...nvr finish...feel like puking...but i feel satisfy haha! wa i dunno why this few days is like kinda sick la haha! as in mentally sick haha! and ya cindy suddenly msg me ! i was so suprised and happy! haha but end up she also nvr reply my last sms...lol ! wadever...i dun like ppl giving cold shoulder and this is an example...yesterday called kel and wj and NO ONE PICK UP! CB! nvm sua..i thought they zz sua lazy to even talk about them now...anyway after my supper i went to slp already coz i was soo shag la...

wake around 6am...went down do static exercise coz the sky is like going to rain...went down only cat1...can see lightning...went home at 7am haha sweat like one kind till now...mum just wake up...later company her go down buy food come up mum mum then i think she's going back punggol le bah and i will be staying...this weekend nvr went out at all but maybe later going out bah...later booking in be 2100hrs...1945hrs has to leave punggol le...tml doing SOC haha! guess wad? i'm going to fail it coz i have to concentrate on my ippt...i cant injure and strain myself already coz i dunno when is my retest again...then Tuesday will be drill all day coz we are rehearsing for out POP day haha! then Wednesday is our pop! yea! haha i heard that i might be staying coz i haven't pass my ippt yet...chin-up and SBJ is the problem...the rest is not a problem to me...haiz still thinking about my pop no one is coming feelinf a bit down...then my SGT cheer me up by saying that if no one is wearing the Jockey cap for me, he will wear it for me coz its his honor :) ... i feel so touch can ?! hehe still feel sad coz i'm leaving them for my new vocation...but also kinda happy coz my platoon is really chui la...haiz

talking about cannot make it, i also cannot make it...got no right to judge other ppl also but some ppl is like wa lau so obvious cannot make it la...but u know when u r old enough to think, to talk or gossip is like not an option coz u also cant be sure that they are not trying their best also unless they are those kind of cb kia la that one i sure sa bo them like hell haha! lol i like that still got ppl flatter me by saying that i'll be a lovely husband in the future zzz well i dun think so...got so demoralised already LOL!! i still not good enough for anyone but also dun owe anything to anyone too :) ...

Giving up doesn't always mean that you are weak,
sometime it means that you are strong enough to let it go.
Have some faith in yourselves but not to let anyone stab you behind.

Sunday, 6th September
blog @ 1111hrs

2009-08-29T18:18:00.002+08:00

yo guys i'm back !! haha Urban Ops is fun...had training in Old Lim Chu Kang area...we learn how to clear room to room, how to leap and clear room through windows and GRENADE! in and stomp in...2nd day morning was raining haha and the whether is damn cooling...and that day was our test...and i pass everything woot! when back camp and clean our rifle as usual...and ya i sprain my ankle again zzz i had total of 10 over sprain on my ankle for the pass 10 weeks zzz i can some how feel like my ankle "cui" already lor...but, NVM! haha! Friday was my 16km road march...the first 8km still can sing out loud but until the last 8km, wa "cui"...march became walk half aslp LOL!! can u imagine that??!! wahaha! i thought i'm gonna fall out but luckily i nvr :) keep on thinking that all of my fren enjoying out side or suffering out side...i just have to spend a few hours torturing myself is nothing lor and so i pull through! yea! finally i'm alive to tell the tale...left arm suffer muscle strain due to improper cushioning plus i'm resting on my rifle, left ankle nearly got sprain again...and a rotten foot LOL...thats wad road march all about...i cant imagine next week is my 24km road march LOL luckily thats the last road march i'm gonna have...

well today morning book out, went home and had lunch...went to sim lim square after that to get the razer eXactMat ( mouse pad ) and a new set of speaker...mouse pad cost $40 and speaker cost $115 wooT! heart pain pain but happy lol...jw plz dun act cute can? lol...now i left only hardisk, graphic card and a processor and i can proceed with my comp build plan B already haha! cant imagine that i got 2 computers at home WOOT! can call elroy come my house play lan gaming 2gether liaoz haha...later i'm going to town...meeting my "ah bang" (fren) to catch Final Destination yea! haha i'm really going to enjoy today coz Monday is my ippt test already and guess wad? i can do pull up ! yes la but i got to train on my SBJ ( standing board jump )...the rest shuden be a problem but as some of my fren who know me well, both my knee cap and ankle is "cui" already...hopefully i can pass my ippt...Tues, Wed and Thurs i'm doing my SOC and test...most of the item is not a problem...the only problem is the monkey bar and the standard SOC timing only...i have to clear them in 8-9mins timing which is a challenge to me...just hope that my blisters are all healed up so that i can do my SOC in proper...

090909 is my POP and i still dunno who to invite zzz...i dun have scanner if not i can scan it in and invite ppl here coz i hope ck is there but guess he's still in brunei...maybe that day i'll be lonely and lonely de go other camp for my vocation...well gonna blog later again !!

Saturday, 29th August 09
blog @ 1911hrs

2009-08-23T17:26:00.002+08:00

haiz...did something some might say its foolish or stupid...went to sign on as a weapon specialist...well me myself felt regretted but soon after i find it excited about my new vocation after i pass out from my BTM @ Kranji Camp...

uh hm! come to my personal stuff...well i had been into some cold shoulder from ppl and also ppl dun appreciate my advice and so i dun wish to say further...coz its their choice and i also in no place to decide for them but...some time...choice u made might lead u to great despair and cause to ur own demise...

sian tml going for Urban Ops in some ulu ulu place in Singapore...gonna stay there for 2days...hope its enjoyable...well got to go le...blog next time bah! take care!

Sunday 23th August 09
blog @ 1730hrs

2009-08-15T11:32:00.003+08:00

yes la! i'm quite happy for wad wad happen last week :) ... i got to buy a new keyboard and i got to meet baby! haha haiz if i wont have to book in that day, i can join them for their outing coz really damn lots of ppl is going for that outing...including one of my ex coz she's baby's sister lai de lol...but wadever :p ... i got quite lot of new things for my comp but i'm still not satisfied yet! haha still lack a new graphic card and a new processor and hmm...if possible i will buy 2 more ram and make it to 8gb haha! and new hard disk too! these thing's badget is around 500-600 more bah...LOL! but i wont get it now as i'm saving money to pay my debt...just received a letter from diner's ace...i owe them total of 1K+ LOL! who's gonna help me? only myself...i can only blame myself for doing that but i got no regret...things like this still got to pay up and life got to goes on haha! i wont be coz of 1K over debt and go sign on de lor kee siao haha!

wa my army life for this week is hellish for me !!! WHY?? COZ i FALL SICK!!! went back on the Tuesday and then light duty for wednesday but still kana things like field bag inspection...wa this one is really crazy...1min everything out from our field bag...we hand item pack 1 to 9 inside our field bag...sound simple right? 9 items but its really a time needed thing la then got pump right under the hot sun...literatly can feel our palm get fried LOL!! its like 50 degree celcius and above la...really very hot i can only say...and then thursday morning i LS and vomited zzz after consuming their night snack... wa lan its like the worst night ever~~~then the same day we need to march 12km LOL!! all i can say is that, i'm not prepared lor!! why?? coz i'm still sick!! i dunno how to use word to explain that 12km that i've gone through...yesterday we were playing game call police and theif...i was the thief and so the police come chase after me...i was suppose to run very fast and so i did...but i suddenly fell to the ground and injured myself zzz rmb i blog abt my warehouse job? i did de stunt? yes i injure my left wrist and my knee cap area suddenly just feel like no strength so i fell...leaving my back and shoulder and my 2 palm scratches and my left wrist injure...just like last week...cant really control my fingers properly again zzz...but really lor...when ever i think about her, i heard that her ex is SGT NSF right...why still treat his own gf like shit? he shud treasure de one he love wad right? for a SGT, shud be quite mature in a way...but really...i kinda disappointed in him...luckily he's not my SGT if not i think i'm in detention barrack already lor but really no point talking abt this already...but really...wad a disgrace :(

last week went out with guoz and roy to cineleisure to catch GI Joe... not bad for an action pack show but expect more...went to the steak house again but this time i only eat the desert...brownie with ice-cream...kns lor every time go there wanna eat their tiramitsu and they just out of stock each time!! ARGH!!~~haha be4 that, i bought something that "we" always used to had whenever "we" r near by...famouse amous cookies lol! i bought the twelve dollars de lor haha! just wack only haha thought could share with roy but end up eating alone zzz AND ended up throwing away...eat till whole mouth de smell sia lol!!

just why??

whenever i thought i have de chance to go for you but you just walk away like that?? am i not good enuff for u?? or i'm not honest enuff in my feeling? but i hope u make the right chioce or decision...just stop taking drug le and u r slim enuff...just be satisfy with ur life coz there's someone out there far worst than u...yes u went through a lot in fact damn lot but plz open your eyes when choosing ur mister right can??

ps: i hereby declare that this above statement is not abt LY.

Saturday, 15th August 09
blog @ 1258hrs

2009-08-10T16:37:00.003+08:00

well...everything is good...but waited there for 2hours plus zzz damn shag but i'm going out later haha...meeting guoz and elroy to movie...after this around 5pm plus i will be going back to punggol for dinner...kinda hungry here already...and ya i tml night then need to book in instead of today...but still feel a bit sad coz never got to meet baby today...though she told me today sorry and meet tml instead but i dun think i will be meeting her bah...well..i shall see...kns lor she got to play badminton with all her colleague tml morning!! I WANT TO JOIN THEM TOO! haha nah i'll pass it coz i have problem controlling my fingers, palm and leg now...consider my four limps paralyze lol...well i still have that kind of feeling but its like dunno how to let go...words is easy than doing ot u know? its a more than word thingy...just wonder how long i need to 4get that every little thing "we" had be4...being selfish sometime is just wrong timing; i'm doing it right now...indeed wad ever things i've ever done is just all sooo wrong...and i also realise that all the while, i've been waiting things to happen instead of making things to happen...well got to look forward...all i hope for now is that everything is smoothly in army...armored infantry isn't that slack duu...blog again real soon...

Monday, 10th August 09
blog @ 1645hrs

2009-08-08T16:21:00.002+08:00

i'm really worry for myself right now...wake up just to realise that i cant feel my both arms! but luckily it recover it self when i starts to struggle... and now i keep feeling the numb sensation with my both arms... i start to think that wad will happen if my both arm really cant move one day but thats impossible... but its really irritating when ever i use my both hand to do something, it will starts to numb... i cant even clench my fist right now... if this goes on, i will go SGH to do a full body check up already lor... but think of the good side...maybe i'm at home now and my muscle start to relax thats why...hope so bah...

anyway, later i will be meeting Guoz and Elroy again to town to catch a show haha! today will be fun! booking in on monday so that mean i have 1 more day to rest wahaha! zzz finger damn pain liaoz and arms starts to numb so i will blog again once i reach home at bendemeer later tonight! bye~~

Saturday, 8th August 09
blog @ 1631hrs

2009-08-08T00:54:00.000+08:00

well hello...just book out after got confine for 2 weeks include my 8 days of field camp in pulau tekong...i seriously dunno where to start coz i soo shag here blogging...hmm i shall make this short and simple to understand bah...i got attack by wild boar twice, my thigh got cut by con wires, i cant recognise my palm anymore, knee is full of blues & blacks and erm...i sprain my left and right ankle 3 times each which is 6 in total...LOL!! can u believe that?? and i still push on! haha wa the wild boar part, if u guys are there sure laugh like anything de lor haha! and i got to become a leopard for 2 whole days and thats how i got all the blue black and ya! we did high kneel for the whole of 8 days! ... pain~~~ first day i volunteered to set up the con wires and also volunteered for one of the days to move a bunch of con wire from my base to other and this is how i got cuts all over...last few day we have to dig our self a shall script and so we did... spent 4-5 hours digging it non-stop and we had to cover it once we finished digging and this is how i cant recognise my palm...i think my ankle really 'chui' already lor...GG... i dun wish to interpret more in my field camp stuff coz it will be very long...

NDP is coming...wad a memorial day...will still be going to marina square and esplanade area to watch the fire works alone...after that then go meet fren bah haha and ya i think i wanna use my this pay out to buy a 2nd hand psp...but well i'm still in debt so i will try to clear some then get some :(... btw i dun wish to sign on anymore coz i just wan to be a simple guy...no point be special out there unless i got interest coz if not, i will die in field...but this is the starting only so still erm...haiz i will just stop here...gonna slack here at punggol till about 2am then slp bah...soo shag now...

Saturday, 8th August 09
blog @ 0053hrs

2009-07-26T10:33:00.002+08:00

lol just now got a call from valentino, one of my bunkmate... i thought is my alarm sia haha... later meeting him at lavender mrt station then we gonna walk to the market place where we buy our army stuff... then see whether still got time or not... go sim lim square for a walk then go home prepare my things then go back punggol le... then book in le...

Sunday, 26th July 2009
blog @ 1102hrs

2009-07-26T04:33:00.003+08:00

hmm phrase for the day!

whatever things it may happen, put away that gloomy face away and start your day with a smile ^____^ .

coz it is like an eclipse; lights will shine once again after darkness disappear.

coz it will be like a dream; no matter what happen now, it will be your past, your memories, your story. (PMS)

let your tears today turn it into strength for the tomorrow.

p.s

plz dun misintepret my "PMS" hor! LOL!!
WA^______^HAHA

and a short youtube clip just for u guys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7rx0uOA6_8

2009-07-26T04:03:00.002+08:00

too shag to blog... my life is just like a dream that's all... i'm gonna sign on but still not yet comfirm... dunno what to do... if i sign on, my life will be more than army... just like commandos... as tough as commandos... but money wise... if confirm sign on, its gonna start like the mid of September and then there will be another 4yrs there train like kee siao... dunno whether can take it or not... one of the warrant talk abt it and somehow got motivated by his words... young guys shud be more adventurous, see wads out there... more~~~ well i've tried to push my self real hard this week... and it seems like i'm not mentally prepared yet so dun even talk abt physically... i still got another 2months to decided... by then i will either to really sign or not to... dunno why keep thinking abt 27yrs old after 5yrs starting from now is like old la... wads holding me back all this time?? anyway all i know is just got to face any challenge up ahead and do my best :) ... enuff of the army talk...

haiz having headache now... dun feel like continue liaoz went out today alone about 8pm... went to sim lim square to get razer mouse pad but the shop was closed... so i slowly walk to parklane arcade to play some games end up playing initial D... threw 20 buck in it.. happy? haha kind off... but still feeling sian... wanted to go ps but was thinking dun walk so far away and so i decided to slack till around 10pm then take bus home... slack till now... bought my PT shoes home but still haven touch yet... haiz tml need to wake up early to beach road to get my field camp stuff... next time Friday i'm going to field camp le and somehow its like 2 week confinement... booking out on the eve of National Day haha still got the chance to see fire work at least then book in on the evening of monday... woohoo hope i can have a joyous day...

haiz end up also still tpying... k la... my this week training is like crazy la haha! but not bad i got my 2.4km run clock at a timing off 11min which is silver, just pass for sit up coz i diden put in efford and got gold for shuttle run... 9.9sec wooT! but i fail my chin up which is 0 and standing board jump, 207cm zzz just another 20cm more can get at least a silver... so i need to get my chin up clock at silver all the time if i decided to sign on.. if not, other wise... book out today went to jurong to get army stuff but end up get nth...reach home around 5.30pm... shag like anything... after dinner, take train back to bendemeer... half way through forgot abt keyboard again zzz kns...

k le la gonna stop here le... think i'm going to slp soon but go slp soo sian !! WAD CAN I DO? haha! maybe too shag already thats why i keep on complaining... alright full stop! nights!

Sunday, 26th July 2009
blog @ 0427am

2009-07-19T16:53:00.002+08:00

junwei...plz stop it...stop...plz...junwei...stop thinking already...

went to bought a new casing woot! manage to settle eberything by 4pm+ zzz my keyboard button "V" spoil zzz this one is i copy and paste de... mich, if u r biewing my blog, i think next week then i will buy bah... thx anyway... sian lor... i'm going to be late !! got to go now!

if its possible, hope for the best...

Sunday, 19th July 2009
blog @ 1704hrs

2009-07-19T09:42:00.002+08:00

saturday night event... went to cineleisure with elroy and guoz... went to bought ticket first and guess wad show we watching! Crank 2: High Voltage .... LOL it was rated R21 coz there's lots of nake shit but no sex la zzz its rated G in yahoo movie website... wadever~~~ anyway after we bought our ticket, we went to the SteakHouse to have our dinner there... i orderd a king size RibEye and brownie for desert... Guoz ordered a Tenderlized RibEye and we shared a plate ful of sotongsss! haha the diff between my meat and Guoz is that for his right, his meat is all meat not juicy at all while mine is juicy and nice to chew haha! medium rare prove to be just right for me... ah very nice~~woot@!

after that we went to smoke out side and LOL keep on looking at gals only...i was pratically too shag... they keep saying there there there~~ i was like huh? where? LOL... then as usual, went to 9th floor E2Max there the catching soft toy there to try my luck again haha! this time i only spent 3 buck there lor last few week came with Guoz, calvin and shawn, spent at least 20 30 buck lor but catch nth! but Guoz caught a lot la... this time he caught 2 big one haha! and one of that he caught is my favourite lor zzz sad... dunno why... how come suddenly crazy abt soft toys haha! but its really cute!! haiz nvr take pictures of that...wadever... after 3 try, stop and emo one side... starts to get tired and real shag... i told them that i go find somewhere to sit down and slack awhile and so i went to the back of E2Max where the children department there sit down and listen to my songs... starts to think that how i wish if cindy suddenly call me and ask me where and i and come find me straight or give me a suprise... i wanted to do that on someone special too but aiya its all just wishful thinking i had... but hey if anyone did that to you, isn't that sweet? haha~~~

be4 the show starts like 30mins, went to find Guoz and smoke at the stair case then go and buy drinks after that... .. ..

well i rate this movie a 3 star movie * * * ... why? seem so budget and sux BUT damn joke la... this show manage to entertain us by makeing us laugh all the way till de end... erm i mean be4 de end... the ending part is really... cocky i shud say... after the show, went down have a cigarette and home we go while Guoz went to a new pub near by just beside paragon... i wanted to go also but roy was there and he just done with his surgery and so i nvr go pub-ing with Guoz instead went home straight... reach home it was already 2am++... playing 2 round of dota and stop... they went to slp while i still up... dunno do wad also.. do until 6am then slp zzz 4ever de sia... i can do one thing till like kee siao for hours... but when wake up, i will be like hmm wad i've done just now? really damn bo liaoz ? 4got already i can tell u that... found myself really a STM already... WHY WHY WHY!! why i nvr write down? coz its like wad u do everyday... and nvr thought that u will forget lol... but well its because i dun have enuff rest... just let me slp and i will charged up...

later i'm our alone... will be going to beach road just to get a blue tape... well i'll try to find a blue tape here first... if really dun have then bo bian liaoz... have to go there, buy one blue tape like kuku... will be going to sim lim square again this time to get a new cpu casing... pratically i can build 2 computer again wahaha! coz i intended to get a new processor, graphic card, another sets of ram, power supply and a new keyboard and mouse... haiz due to my dinner last night, ( i threw $35 @ steakhouse ) i'm very budget right now haha! but wadever !!! book in and our 2 more time and my pay will be out again wahaha! i'm really into my computer now... well though i talk about gals but i won't want to have a gf now that ...fast coz i still not financially stable yet unless she's ok with it as in my current situation and i'm gonna start things real slow lor... had a lesson be4 and i'm not going to fall into it again... like wad i told that sales man at sim lim square last week when i bought this mother board asus Maximus2Gene... although he advised me not to buy coz most of the new board got timer bug and was send back to taiwan but i still bought it and i told him that i'm that kind of guy that if i never touch the tip of a needle b4 i dunno it will hurt... but once i touch and when i know the pain then try to troubleshoot it coz i also told him that not every situation u must be defensive coz u got to be decisive if u do have a plan B... once get things done, dun regret it and look forward though will whine a little though haha but this motherboard i bought do bring me some problem and i presume that its my processor not powerful enuff... the coming month i will get a new one with a budget of 300 buck :) next will be power supply with a budget of 200 buck :) graphic card 250 buck woo hoo!

obsession, posessive, desire, crave, when will i stop this madness...

Sunday, 19th July 2009
blog @ 1034hrs

2009-07-18T19:12:00.002+08:00

well... happy week for me... but sian... now i feel the tekang more and more tiring liaoz... get to lear basic close combat haha look so stupid... wadever haha today stayed at home play dota for the whole day with tiger at my house.... playing with roy they all but BT not playing with us... kana own like one kind lol... too long nvr play liaoz some more wa dunno why today feel damn shag... the feeling of haven really done anything meaningful yet zz anyway, later meeting roy and guoz going to cineleisure for a steakhouse that guoz introduced dunnop whether nice or not yet... after then we will be catching a movie... haiz dunno got any nice show to watch or not also... hope that today is not that boring... cindy when to meet her fren coz is her fren's birthday so nvr get to meet her... then hui shi still working hard haha... but got to meet her maybe the coming week or next bah hehe! i am sooo looking forward in my coming week coz i dunno wad will happen?! haha its either i end up being flatten or blown away haha

found'cha ..again... sore high in the sky... look further... u will see wad is there for u...

Saturday, 18th July 2009
blog @ 1920hrs

2009-07-12T03:58:00.002+08:00

haiz...tonight went to pub/disco and...drunk again...dunno why today feel soooo freaking down...fucked up feeling...there's this gal keep looking at me...shit shud had took her hp number...ah 4get it haha haiz SIAN!!! gonna go slp now...freaking drunk and tired...shag-ness

had this feeling wanna confess my feelings to cindy...can i make a change in myself by doing that? had i found the courage? had i?? ah...not yet coz i just prove myself just now...still dun have the courage to do things...when will i change??? am i still myself? just couldn't get hold of myself...some time i just feel like end my life just like that...just that easy...just end like that but...still ending ones life need courage too but i dun...

let your sadness today, turn into strength for the tomorrow...
be yourself but not someone else no matter what...
but i've become what i can't be...

Sunday, 12th July 2009
blog @ 04015rs

2009-07-11T16:20:00.002+08:00

wow! finally i'm done with my computer haha my first half complete gaming comp! woot! i'm facing some issue with this new comp though coz i'm using a normal dual core proccessor thats why...but anyway its already very fine haha! i'm so gonna upgrade this shit when i have more $$

yesterday went to meet cindy, her sister and her sister's bf, siyi and one of cindy's guy fren and kelvin....we went to eat steamboat at tian tian...well the soup is not bad and there's quite a lot of things there to eat but the enviroment is damn bad zzz anywa we eat for 2hrs plus and we decided to go watch midnight show after that...we to watch The Huanting in Connecticut...well quite a scary show for starters haha sian lor our sitting arrange cock up zzz wanted to sit beside cindy but end up siyi was sitting to my left and kelvin is sitting to my right follow by cindy and her guy fren who like her(ops*)haha wadever...siyi seems a little scared went the show is about to start haha i then start a little joke by asking her whether wanted an extra pillow or not haha she was like erm later if i want, okay bah haha but it never meant to happen haha coz she manage to cope through the whole entire show LOL! .... dun wish to blog about wad happen later

anyway i got home and complete my cpu....slept for 5hours and wake up not long ago...later i'm going town to meet guoz...haha he called me yesterday but i diden pick up coz i diden notice that my phone was actually ringing in my bag...called him just now and he told me that yesterday got 5 gals on standby and he was alone...couldn't find me if not we could had enjoy with them...i was like oh really sorry...think if elroy can walk he sure go de lor haha...anywa i had fun yesterday...cindy really brighten up my precious Friday...she told me something before she left but i couldn't listen properly wad she say as the bus is coming and is too noisy then haiz...but it sounds like something good to me haha! well she's not bad...decent and quit smoking a yr ago...i'm quitting soon coz i'm already used to not smoking inside camp already which is a wish come true to me and i'm happy about it...

tonight i think we will be watching midnight movie again...but then again i was hoping that we can go some other place other than watching movie...well will blog abt it when i'm home later~~bye~~~

as my last stick fells, there goes my salvation...will this continue?

Saturday, 11th July 2009
blog @ 1639hrs

2009-07-10T14:56:00.002+08:00

haiz...wa a hectic week for me...had been tekang like fuck haha but it was fun -_-''' really! i'm damn serious haha! its like now our SGT asl us to come down by 1.30pm but we are late so he shout at us hmm pumping position DOWN! CRUNCHES POSITION CHANGE! DOWN DOWN DOWN UP UP UP!! LOL then call us go up change to our army uniform and come down within 5mins and so we did but after that, he ask us to go up and change to our smart 4 and come down again then go down again...then again we go up and take our FBO and go down again and within 1min every out! and in the other min again LOL then ask us to go up and clean our bunk and stand by area follow by stand by bed so on and so forth LOL!!! HELLISH!!! UNLESSH LOL! but fun haha! anyway at that moment, we were like dog lor ... some sad some kee siao some angry lol! thats not all! they tekang all the way from cook house back and forth LOL! wa my tuesday is like crazy la....but overall this pass week consider very slack already coz wednesday was our sports day...and we won! CHAMPION! our OC was very impressed and happy....yesterday they let us early book out...

today morning went to meet my mum and auntie to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for check up...wa when i heard from the doctor saying that her blood cancer cant be cure...i was about to cry out but i diden...we use english to communicate so that my aunt wont know wad we are saying...haiz i'm so sad at that moment....anyway everyone had to erm u know...go away someday so just be happy of wad u had and do now...i shall see it through...actually today is my cousins company my aunt go de but she's pregnant and so i ask my cousin not to go...haha i'm happy for my cousin too as i see her tummy growing bigger and bigger every book out i see...

after hospital check up, i went to sim lim square and spend 400 over dollars for a new computer motherboard and ram haha! my wish come true but not 100% coz this new motherboard i bought is not the real thing i wanted...as in other series but they out of stock and so i got this newer version name ASUS Maximus II Gene...and i bought OCZ ram wahaha! my dream ram is finally in my hand! WOOOT!@ later today i'm meeting cindy and siyi....hopefully kelvin can go also coz i really dunno how to face 2 gal at once lol...actually i ask cindy go only but then she ask one of her fren go also hmm guess she's not ready for a relationship bah hmm i think is really not ready or maybe she's not interested in me bah haha ah wad ever i dun really care also...anyway today we are going to bugis area for steamboat yea! hopefully can get to eat nice steamboat and keep smiling all the way till the end of the day ^_________^X

well as i'm waiting for files to be copied over, i'm blogging....

no matter where you go or where you are, i will find you and there you are....

Friday, 10th July 2009
blog @ 1515hrs

2009-07-05T17:35:00.003+08:00

just now was having my dinner...after that when to finish my pack of cigarette...left 3 sticks...went to staircase and smoke...listen to songs in my hp...damn my tears are dropping again...why why why ??? ??? really i had enuff of these things already but i really dunno why...plz stop all this nonsense in my head already...cant i just stop thinking already??? going to book in already then this feelings all drown me dead...gonna stop here already...i already packed my stuff so later i just go bathe and prepare my smart 4 then can leave le...hope the sky is sky when i march in...dun wanna get soak when i'm on my way marching in...lol well earlier on i just had a massive nose bleed...seeing my whole palm get soak in blood, it remind me something but i dun wish to mention...hope i dun get too obsess with blood...some time i really scared that i will do stupid and silly things...

Sunday, 5th July 2009
blog @ 1746hrs

2009-07-05T09:11:00.003+08:00

yawn~~went to meet hui shi just now instead of later...reach her house at abt 7.30am...wa when she open her door, she was like zombie la...coz her work place got cases of h1n1 and she had been feeling hot and cold this few day...she told me that on some occasion , her temperature can hit as high as 37.8 Celsius and some time it will goes back to its normal degree...well she also told me that she dun wan me to kana also...so she ask me go home though we got to chat awhile only...well got to see her i'm already very happy liaoz ^_____^'' though positive feeling is coming back but there goes the same as my negative feelings...one minute happy, sad the other...wa lau what to do sia...i'm in total lost and in dilemma again...damn I'm back to square one once again...luckily next week I'm booking out earlier as in Thursday night...it boast my morale and make me happy for awhile whenever i think of that though the feeling is short but at least i know that i can have more time msg whoever i want to...

~~~i will always be there for you so don't be afraid~~~

btw i still dun have the courage in certain things...be it simple or complicated...i will still give my best shot as i'm already trying to do now...just hope that my msg will spread to everyone...plz have more courage and more confident in yourself...dun get stuck in somewhere...resolve it if u got the time...dun let it linger there coz the problem will get worse only...( eh to clarify my msg clearly...this is not to particular someone but is to everyone even to those who nvr read my blog...)

yawn zzz getting tired and tired already guess its time for me to slp...in a few hours time i'll be in camp liaoz haha oh ya btw army life isn't that bad after all! haha just a bit sian coz all dun wan to co-operate...if all co-operate, we won't get any tough punishment...well hope that the coming week is a good one and can book out on the Thursday night!

Sunday, 5th July 2009
blog @ 0934hrs

2009-07-05T05:43:00.002+08:00

wad a shag day today...around 2pm i was doing my phone update thingy as i'm using sony ericsson w950i and my phone was shut off...i'm suppose to on my phone so that my mum can contact me when they are ready to meet me but they cant get me instead come straight up to my apartment LOL! then i was like LOL who is opening my door?? when i saw my mum i was like oh shit! my mum ask me why cant get through my phone..i was like eh hmm doing my phone thing lor haha as i rush like mad man...luckily i bathe already so i quickly change and went down with my mum and meet my auntie that had been waiting for my mum to drag me down haha! went to the si ma lu there did some grocery and went to bugis had lunch...we had chinese dim sum for lunch...after that we went seperate ways...i went to sim lim square...wa lau i was struggling la...dunno want to buy the things that i want or not zzz after strolling for about an hour, i decided not to buy anything yet and went to parklane and bought a guitar tuner...

after that, i went to slack awhile and smoke a few sticks at the staircase near to the bus stop there...thinking where to go and wad to do...decided to go watch transformer...call guoz as him whether want to watch or not and he agreed and so he ask calvin and shawn to come along also...after i hang up the phone, i slowly walk to town...shawn called me and ask me to meet him while i was about to order startbuck coffee...so end up i did not order and quickly went to meet shawn...went to buy ticket...the earliest was 10.15pm show but the seats is almost full and so i decided to buy 11.45pm show and then we to find guoz after that...anyway we went to catch the show and it was already 2am+ already and we decided to go eat supper at Botak Jones...ate a ribeye steak haha cost me $16 !! its nice la haha and we went home after that....

wa lau i found myself typing compo sia...very tired now...later today will go meet hui shi to pass her the cd but dunno can make it or not...hope that i can make it coz so long nvr see her le...kinda miss her a little but haiz...i really dunno wad to do...some time i just wanna kill myself sua...of just let me forget everything...haiz...

Sunday, 5th July 2009
blog @ 0601

2009-07-04T13:39:00.003+08:00

oh ya...change of plans...later might be meeting my parent at bencoolen haha if i'm meeting them, i'll be going to sim lim square to check it out haha! end up still cant bare this temptation LOL maybe i will get a new razer mouse or keyboard bah haha! crap! going to bomb the toilet now! haha and ya now practicing new songs with my guitar...far away by nickelback woot!

2009-07-04T12:44:00.003+08:00

wa shag...our training is getting tougher day week by week haha i can do only half of the chin up only haha! at least...lol! just dunno why i cant pull myself up zzz haha and now do 30 to 40 push ups is like nth already lor...1 day can get up to 200 over push ups LOL! and ya for our strength training, i usually get 4kg weight coz it goes by our weight but that day i go try 5kg...the feeling is like the first time getting my 4kg heavier a bit...we had to do 10 sets of exercise out of it la and there's 1 call arm raise wa that one is most kick one...when last 2 3 4 that time wa lau cant take it liaoz but still manage to pull it through! haha! so happy...now training my chin up exercise so that i can build up my back muscles...

well anyway yesterday night 1 reach home about 10.30pm...ate dinner and when to Golden Mile to play some pool...actually we wanted to play snooker but it was full...we went home at about 1.30am...by the time i reach home its like zombie already...whole body is just so dead la...ache every where...though i dun like massage but haiz...anyway i watch bleach and fall aslp at the starting part only when they are singing LOL...then wa lau...morning ck call and msg me wake me up but was too tired to get my phone...

haiz now my days is boring lor...got money but dunno wad to do...let say if till the end of the day i still nvr spend my money then i'll save it but the feeling is like book out liaoz and did nth zzz the feeling is damn fucked up la...keep browsing through sim lim square price list online but keep telling myself that it is just for seeing but dun buy anything hmm but it seems that temptation is really hard to bare...but if i just go and buy 1 graphic card i wanted, 200 over dollar will just be gone like that LOL! easy right? haha why not i spend the money on some other things...go out treat ppl eat or wad also shiok...haiz think abt it this is just the starting of my army life...i can really see that the next coming month and year, i will be doing the same thing over and over again lor...hope so la so that when i ord will have savings and more money to come haha! going to study private diploma real soon! and this is the only motivation i have now...sad

haha yesterday when i got home and when my mum look at me she was like wa! ur skin color had become darker haha! say till like i go sun tanning for 5days for nth like that LOL then i gave her the kuku face...told her that i'm going out and she was like wa lau must go out meh? shuden u be staying ay home better? she asked...haha i was like huh? why i cant go out? LOL funny la but i just go out la haha! haiz day by day, month by month and year by year seeing my auntie getting older...haiz she had been taking care of me for decades and the feeling of affection is like great wall tick la...told she is my auntie but by the age and look out of it, seems like a grandmother for some of u...hope she get well soon...

BORING BORING BORING!!!!

haiz maybe i go find hui shi later....going to pass her things and chat with her...she seems like got problem between she and her bf....

Saturday, 4th July 2009
blog @ 1324hrs

2009-06-28T11:42:00.002+08:00

haiz...i cry myself to slp once again...i wonder if she really hate me that much...just let me see her once and i'll be content...i always hope that i could bum into her in train or at town but haiz...dunno why...i seriously couldn't redeem myself after wad happen to us...dun say that i whine like gals but really...very scared that i on a depression...i'm really confuse and messed up now...wad shud i do? i really dunno already...thinking that just day by day let it pass...hope and wish that i dun linger too much...if not i will get stuck again...

ps;

i think someone must be behind laughing and happy about wad happen to us...

end.

anyway i'm going out to meet my other bunk mate later to buy stuff for my army needs...like spectacle hook, air refresherner, black watch etc...then will go back to punggol for dinner...haiz shit still haven pass hui shi the disc...she got quarantine by the h1n1 thing but she is negative la coz her work place got cases mah...think she's bored till crazy already haha mabe later i go find her bah and keep her companied...k le la i'm leaving soon le bye~~~batc

Sunday, 28th June 2009
blog @ 1230hrs

2009-06-28T02:40:00.002+08:00

today damn fucked up zzz i swear that i will nvr accept anyone who ask me to take a look at their company...cb ask me go there waste my whole day listen to fucking franchise thingy and yet i dun have hard cash to do franchise and cb still can ask me to borrow money nnb pcb zzz pratically waste my whole day lor...knn thought that my bunk mate is a person who understand but it seems like he had become one of the dog there already...ask him how is he doing there and he still can answer me that nvr earn much and yet still can ask me join ?? nnb wad nonsense is that?? the lowest franchise package is 2.7k la cb and the sure earn package is 13k la cb how i fork out these MONEY??? cb even i wanted to but i dun have the cash and even i got the cash, they still can say things sooo confidenly that its a sure earn and sure earn back the money...but i cant garantee lor...well i will see for myself as in my that bunk mate....how is he going to go on...they say that its a chance that they are going to give me but its like i dun have that much cash la cb...

zzz see 2wks in army and all my vugal words come out already...really lor my day is being ruined zzz cb i dun wan to wine abt it already...damn pissed off already...tml still need to wake up early to meet my other bunk mate at beach road there to buy army things...actually is today de lor..coz i thought today go interview a steady job but ended up stranded zzz cb waste my whole day then go back home for dinner...come out meet ck...thx to his accompany, we went to Kovan super bow...then go play maximum tune haha! see how ck drive its like WAHAHAHA la haha! FAIL!!! haha but cant blame his skill also coz i starting drive kinda like him also hmm after that, went to supper then i went home and he go meet his bro at nearby lan shop...we chat a little also...nth much la...

sian...i wan to watch movie but haiz no one accompany me...watch alone sua haha! wa damn shag already...well anyone wants to see my botak head?? haha go to my frenster and see la i damn lazy post pic here already...i'm going to play my guitar and then go slp le..nights everyone...

when problem come just face it...it will be over soon once u open ur eyes again...hardship is wad time can show but only with determination and self discipline then can be done or achieve...everyone will face their walls and reach their limit some time...take it as a challenge and show other ppl that u can overcome it and u will find satisfatory within u...everyone do things with their reason behind it...take this as an advise but not to obey it...admit ur mistake and say sorry...do wad is right but dun do wad is wrong...its ur choice to make not someone else...be it good or bad, the out come and the answer will be there for u once u open ur eyes again...experience it and u will know why...

Sunday, 28th of June 2009
blog @ 0313hrs

~~stay with me~~

2009-06-26T23:26:00.002+08:00

ha ha ha...i'm back to haunt ppl again...2weeks had passed and lots of things are happening around me...well be it good or bad hmm none of my business coz even i book out of army is just me alone taking bus back home while seeing other ppl's gf or parent come and fetch them...well i just dun wan my parent to come la coz very hectic in a way...but well its good to be alone also :) can see things from other point of view...found myself drowning too deep and now its like i'm so shag le la ah~~anyway! this 2 weeks is enjoying for me haha! strength and body building training and marching and lots of things la haha first few day is like aching every where but come to 2nd to 3rd day is like haha no kick so as for now hmm FIT LOL...and ya my hair was red when i got enlisted and the ppl there cut my hair also not totally botak...still got some hair and my hair still red la wa lau then the SIR all there name me FIREBALL sia haha! omg...but haha they are all funny guy but still will scold u if u did something wrong la but i find the tekang-ning part very enjoying..dunnno why leh haha maybe my character is like that...like to be tekang...

haiz for the first few day is like nth...but after a few days, when my bunk mate all getting closer and when they talk abt GF...i was like hmm eh...just pratically keeping my mouth shut there and talk to them like as if nth...my mood is like damn fucked up la...now i understand why tiger ask me not to bring thhat mood into army...it will be like self torturing...mentally...but well i dun wan to say furhter as i already found myself stupid enuff...

later going to enjoy myself out...maybe going to watch midnight show or go play bowling alone...ah...i just need someone in fact anyone la its free that can accompany my...haiz guess my army days will be a boring one when i booked out...just wan faster book in though still wanna slack a bit more :p everyday 4:50am wake up wash up get ready...5:45am 5bx then go run for a kilometre then go for breakfast...after that strength training and all...5:30pm lunch, 9pm supper then go bed lightsoff @ 10:30pm...wad a life...

i just want any body who read my blog to enjoy their life...dun be too sad or emo becoz of something...i prove it that something good will happen when u just work hard...what u do today, it will become tml's thing when the clock strike 0000hr...well i got to go le...! weee night activity again! till next time!

Friday, 26th of June 09
blog @ 2344hrs

2009-06-11T13:28:00.002+08:00

well...gonna miss my blog for weeks and months...also dunno will i ever touch my blog after this last post of the day...gonna go home for dinner then tml army time! haha finally i'm going army...take care guys...hope u guys like my music haha!

Thursday, 11th June 09
blog @ 1330hrs

2009-06-11T01:11:00.004+08:00

well...though i cant see anything happen today but i feel something great is coming...it seems like i'm a real play boy now but i'm still me :) ... guys here can say i'm a real bastard but haha like i said... i've become whad i cant be already...go with the flow...i will still commit to the one i like and to love again...i just hope and wish to have someone who can wait for me while i'm doing my national service...

well today went to k at bedok with Cindy, elroy, Guoz and calvin...having lots of fun haha aye feel tired of explaining it in detail instead, just by saying having fun can liaoz...we sang for 5hours lor haha not bad uh! my throat still can tahan wad a miracle and still i did some metal singing haha! feel great when u shout out loud...well end up leaving Guoz and i the 2 of us at bugis...went to eat dinner at Billy Bombers...very full and yet its cheap!! haha soo worth it haha...

went to 72 again...ordered a jar of beer and we slack there...wa lau we 2 like special vip seh! lots of workers there come and talk to us haha! and ya the lead sing of the band D-tox, this coming saturday is his birthday haiz feel sad that i cant go coz i'm in camp already by that day...well did wish him early :) i practically finish the whole jar coz Guoz is riding his bike and this few days the traffic plice had been very strict so haha...the dj there name damian haha just love this guy! he came to our table and talk a bit...told him that i'm going to ns this Friday haha he then somehow "celebrate" for me by...asking me to drink finish my whole cup haha! wa after that, SEH AH!!! blur blur haha a bit drunk hmm actually not that drunk as we just had our dinner and feeling very full lor...its a miracle that i can drink this much at once...after that we went home and played 2 losing round of dota zzz sooo many nerds tonight...sian lor...anway i'm going to slp le...

well this 2months i really did enjoy...well had been been through my up and down and i'm feeling more stable then...things are coming up to me now its just how i manage it...things might turn out good if erm u know haha...maybe Love again and this time round i'm really going to slow things down and not that fast...really going to treasure it...i'll remember wad i did in the past and will do better this time...think i must be more honest hmm not bad uh...i just wanna get back on track...i dun wanna be the person waling behind the person i like anymore...i really hate that...well i said be4..my ex was a now or nvr thingy...now that i think abt it, its like an experiment but that's not true la coz its like not fair to her also...well lets not talk abt her already...

ah damn...head feeling heavy now...after this i'm going to bed le...nights guys!

Thursday, 11th June 09
blog @ 0306hrs

2009-06-10T10:01:00.003+08:00

haha nvr slp again...after playing one round of dota with Guoz, he went to slp and i was practically doing nth...surfing net erm and wad i do ah?...shit i can only rmb i play 3 rounds of dota this morning till now...playing my guitar again...haiz still cannot master a song coz there's part i dun understand how to strum...well its ok haha i sure will find my way there :)

oh man...wad a twist to my story...blog again after i come home...if this twist of fate really is going to happen...hmm i shall stop here...i shall see it happen then

Wednesday, 10th June 09
blog @ 1108am

2009-06-10T00:57:00.003+08:00

today pratically doing nothing at all...

very sian...

today 2 ppl ask me out end up no one call...

Guoz i understand but adeline haiz i think is ah di dun welcome me after all...

cant bare this kind of feeling zzz fucked up feeling...

i'm not good for anyone also i guess...

even my phone is bullying me now...

haiz...

just when will i climb out of this loneliness...

just dunno why today fucking emo...

must be elroy spoil my slp...

zzz BORING~~~~

wednesday 10th 09
0106hrs

2009-06-09T14:53:00.002+08:00

zzz WHY!!! why this time??? weird dream again...my horoscope keep telling me that my dream is a sign...dream that might come true...i shall see then...slept at around 5am + and just wake up only...meeting adeline for lunch later @ 3.30pm...yawn...i got scared by my dream...really! this is scarrier than my worse nightmare la wa lau...haiz tuesday liaoz...yawn...blog later...

Tuesday, 9th June 09
blog @ 1457hrs

2009-06-09T04:13:00.003+08:00

well today nvr slp at all...went to meet elroy and accompany him to SGH to MRI scan...getting prepare for his knee surgery...wait for 1hour...was struggling there coz i nvr slp so feeling very cold...after everything, went to eat Boon Tong Kee...a chicken rice store near my house here...went to my house and slack awhile...wanted to go sing k box but once we reach cineleisure, we decided not to sing and so we slack at cineleisure and wait for darrick to come...reach abt an hour later it was already 4pm plus...went to Heeren and walk awhile...then decided to go Ps for some arcade...they went home after that and left me alone at town...it was already 6pm plus...went to eat burgar king at the near old emerald there...where i used to eat with someone else de bk outlet...haiz memories again...anyway i took abt an hour ro finish my food LOL long rigt??? haha went to the kopitiam near toilet there de and bought a pack of cigarette...went out and have a smoke...slack at the bench outside the duck and hippo house i think...after that, i walk all the way to orchard tower to find Guoz...went to 72 tonight and open one martell haha only the 3 of us and we finish it at 3am as it's closing also...came home and blogging now...bathe already and feeling very giddy and slpy...not really that drunk but damn full coz we went to eat supper at a cafe near 72 call buddy's restuarant...haiz really nth to do at home...no aim...no one who can really talk to...haiz think i'm really drunk...de feeling now and damn sian think its becoz lack of slp bah and some more i drink...well dunno wad am i gonna do tml...damn...well...kind off excited abt army thingy haha! hope i enjoy there too...

Tuesday, 9th June 09
blog @ 0422hrs

2009-06-08T21:52:00.002+08:00

dunno how come...suddenly thought through...why do i have to change?? i just have to be myself and why do i have to think this and that?? why not lets just wait for the nature take its course instead of changing its course by force? one thing is also i'm going to army soon and i dun wanna bring this kind of emotional thing with me into army...dun have to think of it also...its nuisance of me to do such a thing...this past months for some of the things i've done, i felt so ashame of myself...making myself suffer only...tonight i'll really enjoy and laugh as myself again...long way to go junwei ! and ya dun laugh at my name...Zandrian...nvr tell ppl be4...brain storm with hui shi lol was hoping by having a new name, it carries hopes and it stands de new me...going to 72 later again! drink more as for now...cant enjoy like this after i go army le...well army is still not end of de world but its becoz i cant really do de things i wanna do now anymore until i ORD...blog later again after i come home :) tonight Guoz not riding so hmm might drink till we "toh" there haha!!! later~~~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TW3DQl-WmKM
songs for flirts...erm its guys flirts...poochai huay huay meaning Let's have fun tonight!
this song shows how bastard a guy can get

Monday, 8th June 09
blog @ 2204hrs

2009-06-08T07:56:00.003+08:00

sian...haven even slp...going to meet elroy at 8.30am...he's last appointment to his surgery day...he's just so sad that i'm not there for him...elroy, dun cry lol...u will be just fine :) this wednesday confirm meeting cindy le but still got who is coming i still not confirm yet...maybe i'll make it a date with her sua haha...the plan is to sing K in the morning at cineleisure then go watch movie and eat sushi buffet! haha isn't that great? dun cry elroy! wahaha...hmm to be more evil, i think i'm going to ask him out too! haha haiz i will still end up giving up most of the time...anyway i hope that this coming wednesday is going to be fun...count as last day to go out le...thursday is still reserved for someone...as for today haha after elroy's appointment, we will be coming back and get ready to go out again...we going to katong there de ktv to sing! woot! why go there? coz its cheap haha...alright! he just called me up...prank him up a little haha -_-'' well guess my days of being a vampire ain't that bad at all :) ...but luckily i'm not...cant bare with this erm...shall stop here le...

well its MORNING AGAIN LIAOZ!!!
0807 BUY 4D SURE TIO!@
lol not again..~~..NOT!
sian...

2009-06-08T02:24:00.003+08:00

well...a night of uncertainties again...reach Dhoby Ghaut mrt station...i was lost again...who's name to engrave...sian end up at PS arcade and play a few rounds of maximum tune...went down to find Guoz after that...it was already 9pm plus...hmm after he close de shop, went to carpark to take his bike...haha end up got to go back to his shop again coz he left his helmet at his shop...anyway, we went to 72 tonight for some drinks...haha when we reach, saw taufiq, joshua and one of his fren...taufiq then come over and try to ride Guoz bike end up BUANG~~LOL he lost balance and went straight the a car that was parked there earlier LOL lucky for him not to bang into oncoming taffic...oh well he was minor injured but the bike haiz...but still and ride but the have to do some alignment and touch up some part as it was crack some where...well i still like that place as always :) relax and chilling~~~was watching tennis and then pool competition! woot!! i just love that place... zzz got 1 thai gay just sit beside me and started a converstion with me...

thai gal: hey! how r u? still rmb me??
me: erm...ya...
thai gal: why? u dun rmb me??
me: no. coz i haven been here for a week or so...
she then start to look at me strangely and pour some martell
she then cheers my cup...i follow up
she's good looking but i just couldn't be bother
after that she went off...then another thai gal come...
this one look more sexy...but eee er...

thai gal 2: hi! (to guoz then me) saying sawadicap~~
me: SAWADICAP~~
thai gal2: cheers!
zzz she then start to get closer and closer to me...
and her hand just happen to touch my zzz argh~~~
she apologies...
i was thinking if she erm well, "accidentally" touch the second time, i will sure change my seats zzz but all end up to be just fine...i just wanna enjoy my day but its alright la...we are guys after all :) well we slack there till 1am and we left...joshua fetch me home so that Guoz dun have to worry abt his bike that much...haiz reach home just to find out something heartening...angry though...i hate guys who cheat and fuckers...com'on la treat gals better can??!...before u start something, u shud think twice zzz now i can see another gloomy star already...well i got to tell myself that i have to be far away from her as she find me irritating...sobs but i just couldn't...zzz i have to stop here...if not, another compo again...but i have an irritating feeling now...needle like poking my heart...and its getting painful day by day...

Monday, 8th June 09
blog @ 0305hrs

2009-06-07T19:59:00.002+08:00

well i think i've decided...who will be de name...think i'm gonna live with it waiting for that day like and belive that one day she will return...gotta bounce...bye

town time!
night life rock!
not again~~NOT!

2009-06-07T17:24:00.002+08:00

...yesterday totally cant slp...stay up till around 5am then really try to slp...before that i was watching Criss Angel at 3.30am...wake up at 2pm...eat lunch and head back here bendemeer...now going to get ready for town :) ...dunno why feel so sian...kuku! dun think too much!! haha... ...

Sunday, 7th June 09
blog @ 1726hrs

2009-06-06T07:32:00.003+08:00

ah!! window xp is still de best...vista prove to be fussy so i wont be using vista anymore coz some of the game is really incompatible with vista...problematic right? i was trying vista out hmm thought it was cool at first but still proven that it sux..i shall wait for window 7 :)...hmm right! dunno still want to do my comp or go slp first...tml maybe meeting hui shi early in de morning YAWN~~~hope i can get up be4 she call coz i'm slping in the same room with my aunt when i'm at punggol...well i got to do my things first then...will update on hmm maybe tuesday night bah...coz dunno wad time will our meeting end...scary u know? we can meet at night and all the way to next day evening...haiz if i can have a gf who is like this won't it better? ai ya for long also will sian de la; that wad most ppl will say hmm i wonder...

MORNING LIAOZ!!!
blog @ 0737hrs BUY 4D!!! SURE TIO!

2009-06-06T02:37:00.004+08:00

all i can do now is smoke...
see puffs of smoke floating away like empty promises i've made...
will one ever forget the tenderness and gentleness ones gave?...
its like a privileges that nvr ask for anything in return but just a simple love...
i can only blame myself for not doing the best in everything...
maybe she's right; i'm a hypocrite indeed... ~_~;;
i gave it a try and take upon this responsibility but i failed to do so...
i felt so rejected afterwards but then i still press on for a purpose...
but it seems so "double sided blade"...
i thought that i've thought through but i was wrong...
had been wondering around for months and i'm just lying to myself...
i've always known that by lying to myself, i will feel better but thats selfish...
luckily i nvr play too much and really went over board...
maybe i'm just trying to find her in her...
guess i'm right to say that i dun wan to betray this friendship we had now in her...
she's attached while i'm waiting for them to break ( so impatiently ) is not me...
i'm so confuse now i think its becoz i just break up with someone and i'm seeing a gal who used to so close to me be4 and is the person who i wanna be...
sigh...
i'm just me...
just when will i stop blogging these...
i realise that i still miss her very much...
can i really let go??...

Saturday, 6th June 09
blog @ 0325hrs

2009-06-06T01:15:00.002+08:00

boring~~~today's not my day man...plan shattered...anyway i got to meet tiger at town at abt 8pm...went to play pool for awhile then went to play maximum tune...haiz another boring day...now at home burning disc while playing my virtual dj set :)...getting ready to refomat again coz my current os is bugged zzz lots of bug but still useable but~~~its getting my nerves zzz gonna restart everything again :) well i like to do stuff like this :) update later

Saturday, 6th June 09
blog @ 0128hrs

2009-06-05T08:30:00.003+08:00

just finish watching a thai show...Ong Bak...eh an action "packed" show i shud say? ... dunno wad makes me wanna say this lol but i guess i have to say it...i rmb saying giving up something this and that...well is abt this gal hmm guess she's just treating me as a fren and so i wont cross over unless something big happen...cant belive that i'm soo evil but i guess, love is selfish :)

haven slp yet and dun feeling like slping now...thinking abt wad will happen later, tml and the day after...sad thing is that i'm going army if not, at least i'm here to see things through...well wad ur's its urs to take wad not ur's its not then...i shall play my guitar till be4 lunch and head back to punggol for lunch and slp there...i will be going to esplanade today...wear nice nice with my hair styled! lol! i wan to change my frenster pic...my *primary* pic look soo terrible...like gangsters hmm shud i wear the same shirt? hmm i wonder...

i'm gonna change the way i think and speaks...i'm going to be more straight forward...beating around de bush is like Osama Bin Laden video taping himself blah blah blah saying that he wan to bomb this and that...did he? SHUT UP DUDE! get a life...plant something that u can eat but not KAABOOMMM~~~if Obama get kill there, this world is really going to crumble and my life in ns will be a terrible one...oh ya luckily that singapore terrorist get caught already...if not everynight operation very hectic...zz i'm talking this coz i also dunno wad reminded me abt the news i saw in the net...

well i'm smoking my last stick and going to buy more later...hope later i can really go and order the things i wanted and i'll be done...my last wish...and i'm going to move forward...just how long can i get emo...for one whole year like wad i used to? haha and ya! happy be-lated birthday to Xingyi! wished u in sms but sorry that i 4got to wish u here :p i'm sorry! haha i did an experiment on my last blog and found out something which seems interesting to me *_*'' well its nth ^_______^y anyway i'm still not satisfied with this new blog skin but its already a big achievement for me...

hmm just wanted to share a song with u guys here and here is the guitar chords and tabs i'm practicing http://www.geocities.com/chen_hanwei/culuv_ghfstab.htm and this is the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oot32QFb_II ...hope that i can complete this songs be4 i go army and wish that she can sing this song together with me :p WAD A WISHFUL thinking ah haha!...hmm just when will i stop laughing damn...well last but not least...i hope that "someone" is doing just fine...wad she's going through now is just like that person now...like i said...destiny had brought u here and the fate is in ur hand now...

shall stop here...if not i'll be dead!!! haha :p....

Friday, 5th June 09
blog @ 0857hrs

2009-06-05T06:11:00.003+08:00

time sure flies...4yrs...just 4yrs...wad will it be after 10yrs??? wad had i been doing the last 10yrs??...wow this is incredible...time sure tells us lots and lots of things...its whether going straight into ur brain or not...enjoy life to the fullest...btw wad am i gonna do later? slp? bathe? dun slp? but go bathe? lol...bathe le play my guitar? or go slp? or go slp after i finish my guitar? i must be joking...i know wad i'm gonna do...i'm just trying to have the feeling of "wad am i gonna do?" that kind of feeling...some time ppl ask questions and ppl answer but had that answer gone into that person's head? the answer is no...that person will only realise the answer when it is too late...every does :) including myself...got to go now...its getting erm...late...as in early haiz...I"M GETTING OLD~~~

Friday, 5th June 09
blog @ 0619hrs

2009-06-04T08:06:00.004+08:00

dun really know wad to say...hmm ya today went to marina square with elroy...haiz shuden had ask him out today...really spoil my mood but its ok la...everyday see him at home so i ask him out lo...haiz he is really a trouble i shud say...when i wan to be alone, i wont ask him out le...on my way home, saw mich at bus stop guess she's on her way home bah...anyway, i got home and play a few rounds of dota with elroy...own the pubs like hell...feel damn shiok! haha about 2am, elroy and guoz came to my house for some farwell party coz i'm going to ns soon...good to have frens like this though...haiz saw wj and he had changed into a totally different person...seems like he has been possess by something...try to talk to him but he just dun wanna say that kind...wadever then...i wan to help but he dun let me...even kel also de same...dun think will be seeing them for the rest of my life le bah...anyway, elroy and guo play at my house till 7am and then they left...later still meeting them for buffet hmm i wonder this "late" already...wad time will they wake up lol! damn...my house now really smell like dust bin already...macdonald and cigarettes smell all over lol! haha i will clean up after i finish blogging...

well i was thinking lately that wad it take to be a bastard? hmm 365 days, everyday, every minutes and anywhere now there's ppl doing things like that so wad if i become a bastards too?? no much different i guess...to wait or to be a bastards hmm i wonder...but i will still choose to let go in the end...i will let go if things are setting down already bah...but after all, i still find myself being like a kid...maybe not a kid; its just that i cant really open a topic to chat and be damn quiet with head looking down and dragging my feet...but i know that one day i will walk with heads up and wont be dragging my feet anymore starting from today :)...junwei u are an IDIOT!! haha yap ppl will say that the coming week...

Thursday, 4th June 09
blog @ 0834

2009-06-03T09:43:00.003+08:00

i'm really puting myself into slp le...abusing medication again...took 4pills this time hope i dun end up in hospital...take care...

fading away slowly...

i know wad i'm doing so i won't regret...

hope when i wake up, i'm still here :)

zzz 4pills only...kns

:p ^____________________^Y

0945hrs

2009-06-03T08:49:00.004+08:00

well i haven slp yet:)i thought i can fall aslp while watching P.s I Love You but it was too touching for me to fall aslp as so my eyes was soo engross to my mornitor...after that, went to play a 15mins of dota and *sigh* it was a boring one...then haha why am i blogging now??!! haha coz i just realise how to read guitar tabs!!! finally figure it out...haha and finally i can play 關懷方式 GuanHuaiFangShi in pinyin...kk i shall continue at the end of the day or tml le bye~~~

2009-06-03T03:39:00.006+08:00

why izzit always got to be like this?? still not honest and confident towards my true feelings??? what's wrong with me?? why always that i have to wait??? really no confident? not honest enuff??? not sincere enuff??? no...the truth is i scared rejection...coz i feel that i'm not perfect for her that wad makes me end up like that...i think i'm de real devil behind everything...just waiting for everything getting destroyed then will feel satisfied...how to get rid of this devil out from me?? i dun really know but i will do my things very carefully now...think twice be4 i act...btw, i just found myself an "energy giver"...my ex was a traquilizer...hmm think wad i need now is a real toxic so that i can forever in deep slumber...well that day i was thinking that if i really end up in hospital...how? wad will i see? wad will i think of? but that's not all...still thinking of swallowing that whole pack of pills...forget abt wad happen happen last 23months and 6 days ...the real reason i cannot say...i've got to keep it in my heart...and this thing is worsen day by day...before i knew it, i've already fallen quite deep already...no one can save me only one person can...i'm in pain...i'm asking myself why must i wait until now then dare to show my feelings??? why can t i show it EARLIER!!!??? i starting to hate myself lately...heavily depressed...but when i'm with that person, everything changed...i tend to 4get everything but happy...how i wish i could hug her tightly in my arms one day...i'm just so scared that she rejects me...i've planned to do something really stupid...i will post it here when i'm done with it and i promise that this is the 2nd time and the last time i do something so special for someone that special...i dun care how much it cost...i'm gonna throw in wad ever thing i've got and see it done...but the result will be tormenting for me and i knew it...i maybe a beggar, i may have no future but u might nvr know wad will my future comes coz i have big ego...i will complete wad ever wish i had yet to fulfil be4 i go army...coz i know that i will indeed lost contact with that person again and its 4ever...

p.s

just wanna say sorry to a person down who i let her down de most...just take it as i nvr know you and u nvr know me...i won't bother you anymore and anyone around you...to do that, i need courage and indeed i have...good luck to u and farwell...

i can't have 2 person in my mind to stress about coz it will be double the emo i'm getting...one down and only left last one to go...as time goes by i realise that i couldn't live without someone who i can care and love...destiny had lead me here and fate is within my hand...but there isn't much time already...my last resort is to let it go...till then, lies my true freedom again...

well ppl here, can say that i'm writing all fake or hypocrite by writing such a "story"...all i can say is wadever la hor... :) but plz no pen pencil and eraser lol!

Wednesday, 3rd June 09
blog @ 0413hrs

2009-06-02T17:32:00.005+08:00

yesterday nvr blog coz whole day and night is with hui shi...

sunday night met hui shi at hougang plaze at abt 12mn to play lan...

we play till 6am morning and decided to leave for breakfast...

went to rivervale plaza de Mac to have breakfast there as its close to her house...

chat till 9am and we decided to leave...

went to her house there and chat more...

abt 11am we decided to go back plaza to buy hair dye and so we did...

was waiting at the bus stop and we saw a philipino maid was shouting for help!!

went down to see wad happen and i discover that her finger was stuck at the door...

open de door and comforted her...

she cried quite awhile then gave us her mum's number and so we called...

her ah ma came down and see wad happen...

we told her the story and also told her that she must be tired...

the ah ma told us that they have 2 maid and both like to talk and listen to music at night...

they left after saying thank you to us...

and we head off to plaza...

we went to ntuc market to enjoy air con after we bought our dye...

we decided to get a hair cut and so we did...

went back to her house, dye and bathe...

and LOL we sang hokkien song together!

went home at about 5pm and eat my lunch...

slp after that...

guoz called me at about 9pm plus and ask me whether want to join them at 72 but i rejected them and continue my deep slumber...

today wake up at about 11am plus...

hui shi call me and told me that she's going to msia today to pass a car key to her BF and came back to singapore and reach home at about 4.30pm...

as for tonight hmm...wad will i do and where will i be going...still thinking...maybe i will be going to slack with the merlion again bah haha...btw i'm overdosing medcine again...who cares anyway...

Tuesday, 2nd June 09
blog @ 1749hrs

2009-05-31T22:17:00.003+08:00

9.30pm...

i just wake up...

look at my handphone...

checking for sms or any miss call...

no miss call but received one sms from hui shi...

asking me whether is there any place near rivervale mall that can cheque in...

called my cousin for this enquiry and told hui shi that the nearest is at compass point...

chat with her a little...

just hang up only...

and when i see my calendar, its like its been a year...

i have to stop here some where some time...

army, i'm coming...

but i'm still not ready yet...

but its alright...

coz suprise is everywhere...

i won't think that why my life is like this instead, i will only hate myself for why am i doing all this...

its alright coz at least i see it through with my own eyes or ears...

for the better or worst, just hope everything is fine now and in the future...

i can only play my guitar now or slack by merlion...

durian for an emo boy everyday isn't too much aye?~~~

or am i really asking too much? indeed...

if thats the case, i will just ask for a simple life...

that things will just comes and goes...

dun ask me why i'm blogging like this...

coz i find myself in chaos already...

dun ask why i'm in chaos...

coz i dun wanna know why...

dun ask me why i dun wanna know why...

coz i dun wanna know the truth...

and you can say that i'm an idiot or a stupid or hmm maybe childish...

but this is all i can only do...

good luck to me...

Sunday, 31th May 09
blog @ 2226hrs

2009-05-31T18:26:00.002+08:00

thx to the website mylene gave me, i've changed my blog skin successfully... :) thank you...erm some thing here is missing due to my noobiness in blog haiz...shud had done this earlier haha anyway kinda feel like the stone had been finally gone off to some where else le hmm well today practically doing nth...the only thing is that the "wait" had been making me stop at one point or rather...wad shud i do? haiz...hope that this "wait" is worth it...

Sunday, 31th May 09
blog @ 1829hrs

2009-05-31T05:04:00.003+08:00

today was suppose to go to choon yan's chalet but nvr go coz dun feel like going...met mich to pass her the speaker she wanted...then go home get bathe and change and then meet Guoz...went to his house and slack for the whole day...haha we were practically gambling haha! playing bacarat online using real money some more its in US $...not bag leh i wont 5 rounds and guoz win the rest too :) today we won about 100USD haha not bad huh...haha ya be4 that we went to hougang area for dinner...met one of his fren name kelvin...walk around and kio 2 iphone haha! win money and still got business to make TODAY is really our day man! we were too excited and decided to go tangong pagar for some drink...but we stayed there for about an hour plus and we decided to leave for home...reach home about 2am plus and was eating cup noodle while watching con-air haha! i just love Nicolas Cage! manly and really and idol to me :) haiz went to her blog again...i shuden had done that... zzz saw some bo liaoz netizen disturbing her again...guess she's gonna change her link again and if she does, i wont stalk her out anymore...anyway i've already change my link and nvr really tell anyone here so that she wont have to read my irritating blog ever again...well i was angry why ppl have to go and disturb other ppl when someone is real down for some reason...anyway think about it again...hmm its none of my business so ahh just f care bah i guess coz since she dun wan me to be her fren also...

haha anyway today was happy but haiz still a feel a bit down...but it seems like there's a glimspe of hope and sign already i can see...if this carry on, i might get wad i wanted DEARLY~~~yea! hmm all i can do now is just keep her accompanied...

i found out lately...

all along, the man in her heart...

has always been someone else's name.

i've never disregarded comfort and given my all to someone...

you are going through a hard time...

i'm willing to be with you and take the pain with you...

no matter how bumpy the road is, i'll walk it with you.

i can only imagine wads going to happen the past few weeks and these days...its been hell for me...why she has to come back when i thought that i've already forgotten about her but i feel happy that when she's in needs, she will come and look for me though...well enough of this emo-ness...i'm going to bathe and watch one more show and then off to bed :) blog next time :)

Sunday, 31th May 09
blog @ 0537hrs

2009-05-29T23:48:00.003+08:00

haiz...today nvr get enough slp and tiger called me early this morning,,,met him at abt 1pm++ for lunch and then he came to my house to play dota together again..hmm i dun really play dota already so haha practically tio own like fuck for the first round...but as for our second round, haha i use my favourite hero, Necrolyte :) own them like fuck...i got Ahgamin Sceptor with dagon lvl 5 haha dagon lvl 5 cost 800 damge to enemy haha!! regrettably i nvr up guinsoo and refresher orb...if not they can quit their game already...but manage to own them like one kind haha! COZ ONE OF THEIR TEAM SAID THAT I"M A FUCKING NOOB!!! CB zzz haha SONG BO TO THEM...anyway after 2 rounds of dota, tiger accompany me go back punggol for awhile to get things and go out again...went to ps the arcade near pc bunk there...wanted to play maximum tune but it was full...so went to play mahjong instead and few rounds of initial d haha! was having great fun with tiger around...kind of sharing the same idea in our life...well after then, i accompany him to paragon to fetch her gf aka my mummy haha! they left for home and i went to esplanade to slack...i was very lonely and emo...in fact is bouble emo-ness...there's 2 person in my head now and emo coz of 2 of them zzz took 36 to conventional centre and from there, walk to marina square...walk like zombie...dunno where to go so was practically walking around see see here and there LOL the funniest things was that i was thinking of singing K alone LOL fucking bo liaoz right??? got money but dunno where to spend...ai ya only 100 buck only la not much also...but its already enuff for myself to spend...well went to 7/11 and bought a drink...4got wads the name but its 10% voltage...why i buy that, coz iw as finding drinks that can make my high straight away and ya today before i went our, i swallow 2 tablets of flu pill...high like anything...think tml i'm gonna swallow 4 tablets...more kick! anyway no ppl care for me also haha! after i bought my drinks, went to esplanade there and slack alone...well i actually wanted to go and find budy de but she's busy with her work that nvr reply my sms so was practically sitting out there slack with by the river...well 10% volt is not for nth...after i finish 1 can, the kick straight away went into my head...but not drunk and the feeling is very nice haha! some more was listening to my "mp3"(my hp la) haha but not happy though...really damn fucking emo...was thinking if i can be myself more, things wont end up like this...anyway its already like that so i'm living my life the way i wanted...so its ok...kinda like emo-ing anyway...dun say me coz i find myself weird in anyways i put it...if there's a chance to fall in love and go steady again, i got to remember the things and wont do stupid things...dunno how to explain though but its kinda like that...i have been way too much that is why i end up like this...i asked for this...well if i got more $$ again, tml i will go and slack at esplanade again...this time round i'm going to buy more alcohol...take cab home and slp...then sunday is time to enjoy! woot :) going to sentosa hehe!!

well i'm kinda living my life to the fulless now and i've always hope for the best...wish for the worst not to happen...she still have my blog link..hmm shall i relink my old blog back?? ahh~~~nah shall not even think about it anymore :) nights! gonna watch my show and wait for her to sms or call me :) well its like a happy anticipation! hehe the feeling of admiring ppl is much for happy but and also sad...I"M SO EMO~~~WAHAHAH!!!

Saturday, 30th May 09
blog @ 0009hrs

2009-05-29T03:21:00.006+08:00

haha went to sentosa today:)again i drag myself out today...woke up at 12.30 and straight away go bathe and pack my back for the outing...went to have lunch and all and reach harbour front abt 3pm...then went to take cable car to sentosa yea! we bought the expensive one...all side glass so that can have a nice view...so nice~~~woot

just gonna upload a few pics...well its nice man! wooot! ai ya zzz forgot to take picture of the beach zzz anyway, we have fun playing water and swimming but i nvr swim coz i dunno how haha! dun LAUGH! by the way, we reach there abt 4pm and we play to abt 6pm and we leave for harbour front to eat kfc...after that went home and prepare for our night activities cb end up we got ps by elroy...so we decided to call joshua to sabai for some drinks...he brought a gal down name Linda...well today drank a lot again...in one shot zzz was playing 5-10 haha keep on losing to Guoz ARGH~~~! and before we start that game, i was practically drunking myself up already...haha...left sabai at abt 2am and went to eat supper with guoz at near levander/jalan besah area...reach home about 3am...yawn...tired sia...sentosa is sure a nice place to make a person slpy lolzz...btw this coming sunday i'm going to sentosa again haha this time is a gathering with Jos, ah di, wj, and kel :) haven seen them for some time already...already nights gonna wait for hui shi to call in le...blog tml bah bye~~

Friday, 29th May 09

blog @ 0408pm

2009-05-28T04:46:00.002+08:00

went to bed straight after my last post...but dunno slp for how long and elroy called and tell me that they are meeting up already...he called me dunno how many time then pick up coz i was slping...wa lau damn shag ah!! drag myself out like this...was having a wonderful dream but haiz...anyway, meet elroy and took a cab to geylang to fetch his GF and went to sim lim to meet Guoz and his GF...went there to find thai keyboard but couldn't find one and so we decided to have our lunch there...haha our lunch is like feeding pig sia!! LOL Guoz ordered quite a lot of side dish haha...after lunch, we went to The Cathay cineplex to catch a move but end up all the timing cock up as their GF have to leave around 7-8pm...and so we was there shopping and playing some catching machine at the lan shop...Guoz bought a dress and erm some other things to his gf and elroy bought a bag for his gf...after that, we went downstairs to slack till about 7.30 like that they left and then we went to parklane to play lan...1.50/hr and we spent 11.50 there...and its already 3am haha! well its like they went to pick up their gf and i went home...reach home only playing guitar already haha! think i'm gonna master i'm your's by jason mraz first bah...the song that the boss gave us i think i'll practice it after i finish i'm your's :) i'm so happy that i got to play the first few chord correctly...its not easy lor haha my finger is in pain for days already and it seems like it will not recover lor haha can literaly see blue black already...haha but i'm still enjoying playing on it~~~ :) weeee

tml my family will be back home around 5pm but i think i won't be at home coz i'm going to sentosa tml!! haha its been soo long for the last time been there after last 2 Xmas with my ex and her frens...haha i'm soo engross to this excitement already :p well lets hope that i wont get too much sun burning coz it is pain de lor haha! right i'm gonna continue with my guitar le haha whats the rush? haha coz if i can manage to play 1 song i might bring my guitar there tml yea! see ya tml~~~hmm gonna watch bleach later then go slp...nights

Thursday, 28th May 09
blog @ 0502hrs

2009-05-27T11:47:00.005+08:00

...wake up not long ago...early hor...just now jana gave me a call but i nvr pick up coz i'm still in a deep slp haha call her back and erm...its like small ant talking to spider and i realise that i got NO VOICE!!! i still rmb yrs ago i lost my voice once also and haha i tried to speak but end up i speak like chipmunks LOL and now with no voice, feel like blogging...well i'm just angry that someone say that she herself is a bitch...haiz will she just stop branding herself already? i'm not gonna laugh at ur life...really...for wad i laugh at other ppls life while i'm laughing at mine? i dun wish to bestow unhappiness to other ppl...i thought that by being fren, eh can understand each other more coz i'm actually not like wad u think and u r not wad i actually thought...but i think that its like my unhappiness has given this aftermath result...its chaotic...oh man how can i clear this mess i've created? but plz stop assuming fact that is incorrect...

i've been laughing at myself lately...why i dun have the gut to woo the gal i really like? keep making up excuses won't help but only deceiving...got to be more honest and sincere...i find something funny lor...fren who knew my for so many yrs...no one had said that i'm a hypocrite or something equivalent...well this is something new but i'm still me :) know wad i'm doing and its okay...thx to frens like Guoz and his colleague, had given me the courage to go on...frens like hui shi and elroy that needed help and i've given them, i just feel happy for them coz they are doing great now its just that elroy need time to do some self reflection and change his attitude a little...one day when he got no fren to go to at least i'm still there for him...i'm paying tribute to tiger; actually the most help i've ever given to is hui shi so call "my buddy" haha hey dun laugh la haha can hear it from here lol :)...well just hope that everything turns up to be good :) now that she's having a great job with loads of things to settle...good luck to u:) i'm anticipating the next meet up with u though haha! ops...anyway, later i'm going out with elroy(with his new gf) and guo(with his new gf too) to some steamboat activity haha today and tml will be fun!!
yawnzzz think i'm going back to slp again...waiting for my parent to come back...

Wednesday, 27th May 09
blog @ 1247hrs

ps,
com'on...the truth is there but my fren sided me...why? u dun have to know why coz u already knew why...just stop assuming things and dun think too much...no one is laughing but u r making ppl laugh at u...i dun tell ppl fake story and the fact is with me...ppl judge on the surface and now u r getting it so dun blame me...blame urself for saying urself...just stop that coz u r making ppl hating u...i've been doing the same thing for the past month and there u go :) angry? irritated? to make u angry is simple and to make u hate me is even more easy than 1 2 3...why am i doing this? i'm making u hating me for the past month so that u can totally forget about me...ah f it already...i'm tired blogging stupid things...u can say wadever thing about me just live ur life to the fulless...enjoy be4 its too late...bye fren

2009-05-27T04:25:00.002+08:00

lol wadever ah cant be bothered already...tonight went to V3 at boat quay and drank 3 jars of beer with joshua who is driving, taulfiq and elroy...especially me...i drank quite a lot coz joshua is driving and taulfiq nvr drink much which can see...elroy cant drink much too and guoz is haha okok drank with him quite a lot though...why i drink so much today?? coz i'm sooo happy and sad...after V3, went to 99 with elroy and guoz only...sad lose to elroy when playing pool...coz i was damn drunk already...cant see the ball clearly...was waiting for a sms that i will nvr receive....think she's slping already bah hmm well today be4 night event, was with her for the whole day again...came to my house at about 7am and bought me breakfast!! well be4 that, she msg me that she's still down stairs and ask me to meet her end up got scare by her near my house de lift lobby... haha we diden't even got to slp...she was using my comp and watch a snooker show last episode together...after that she was watching other show and i fall aslp for an hour or so...went out abt 1pm for her interview:) and she got a job at one fullerton :) ... if she's my gf, i would had waited for her everyday be4 she knock off and that is about 3am bah...well i'm gonna slp now...just bathe and vomited quite a lot...head feel giddy already...guess morning i'm going to have a hang over...hope not...

Wednesday, 27th May 09
blog @ 0501hrs

2009-05-26T00:58:00.002+08:00

ops...i stalk her out and success haha...well i just hope that she dun mistook for my intention...anyway yesterday haiz...jeff disappoint us all...say until so steady that time erm want to open 1 martell to celebrate his birthday but end up say no money...then elroy like not steady also...dun wanna go out like that...end up is Guo, joshua(Lancer club member), taulfiq and me we went to 99 a thai disco situated at tangong pagar...went there to slack again...we ordered 2 buckets of heineken haha drink until siao...i was practically stuck at the pool challenger table...i was drunk so nvr played properly but i went to toilet and wash face and wanted a revenge but they say that they are going off already so hmm till next time bah...sad...ya went back to punggol yesterday night coz i thought meeting hui shi zzz end up she fall aslp...well today the whole afternoon is like so boring la watch Okto show call erm Thomas and his frens?? lol the train cartoon show lai de lol...bo liaoz right?? haha after that went to have my lunch...then when coming evening, i dun wanna stay at punggol till too late for a reason...so msg hui shi whether wanted to go lan shop to play hero online or not...waited for her to confirm is like the sky will drop like that so i decided to wait for her at her house downstairs...for about an hour or so la...was listening to my last song and wanted to leave then she call and confirm that she's going...but just i can keep my hp into my pocket, she call me again haha this time she's in a very kan chiong tone!! LOL dunno wad happen la she just ask me faster go up to her house...and then there i am at here house just to find out that her toilet the pipe is burst LOL told her to switch off the valve...i offer my help and guess wad? i'm all drench haha~~~both laughing LOL dry up and off we go...played for 2hours...went to slack awhile and off we go...to home...tml i'm gonna be real tired coz morning going to meet hui shi to fullerton there to interview...there's a pub there mah plus the pay quite good... $1.6k :) after that hmm maybe stick around town or wad then at night, i'm going to meet elroy and Guoz to drink again hmm maybe shenton way bah or tangong pagar then the the day after tml, going out to eat steamboat zzz practically i know wads the plan already lor haha but ok la i kept myself busy out if not...i'm gonna die from boredom! :( ...i'm just sad that hui shi cant join us on our steamboat outing...well i can be alone for just sad thats all...hmm actually i've think it through...cant wait for her 4ever so i choose to pass her by...i got to move on...its either let go earlier before i go deeper and deeper or just trap myself in a love triangle that the love that will nvr happens...

A scattered dream, that's like a far-off memory...

A far-off memory, that's like a scattered dream...

I want to line the pieces up...

yours and mine...

this few lines are just for fun...hmm i'm wondering wad will i be after another 2yrs...i can only dream...she the only one proven that wad i've done is just all wrong...so when then i can make things right from wrong i wonder...well thats all for my emo-ness here again zzz gonna do something happy later haha bathe and . . . . play my guitar la haha!

Tuesday, 26th May 09 ( WOW 26th already ah???!!! damn)
blog @ 0213

2009-05-24T17:43:00.004+08:00

yesterday was quite a happy day...tiger came to my house and play dota together haha! and ya we went to lunch and dinner also...around 8pm, he went off...and so i went to msn....guoz nudge me saying wanna go slack at some pubs but no one accompany him...so i ask him whether i can join him haha this is how i end up at Tanjong Pagar club 99 with him...went there to have beer this time...1 jar but 1 bucket(5bottles of heineken)of heineken...drink till about 2.30am i think and we went home...i think is i used to hard liquor...beer de kick come faster than hard liquor lol end up very very drunk plus some more Gouz cant drink much coz he's driving...so i was pratically drunking myself...but still ok la...went home...bathe and slp....

well....tonight is Jeff's birthday...later gonna meet them at Guoz work place then plan where to go...haiz playing my guitar while looking at something i shuden look...miss her so much but she doesn't know...haiz anyway she dun have to know...she has her life u know? haha i always thought that i can share all the good things with her but haiz...i couldn't be special coz i'm just me...anyway no one ever understand me...she say how i treat her...thats why she betrayed me...so thats mean the pass year is all shit? seriously i dun want to continue writing this shit coz she will only assume this and that...wadever la...cant face me? that week badminton i then really see ur true color...this is why i cant forgive myself from hiding my feelings...need some where to express it out if not...really i cannot take it...i only owe my life to my family...so even if i die someday, u dun have to feel guilty or threatening ur life...plz dun give me this kind of crap...i know that these 2 yrs, i nvr gaven u a nice birthday celebration...right then u can say that i played u ok...dunno why ppl say that to find another relationship is tiring...why? coz have to know him/her all over again...but for her its like wow...just a few days...clap clap...coz i bang my head? coz of money issue? coz i cant find a job due to i'm going ns soon? coz of my fucking attitude? coz ur parent dun like me? ya i know life isn't fair to everyone...i'm just waiting after 2yrs in ns only...

Sunday, 24th May 09
blog @ 1812hrs

2009-05-23T06:20:00.008+08:00

lol i just realise its already 6.20am in the morning! yawn!! haha ya today went to buy guitar and i'm frenly enuff to have a good chat with the boss there...and he taught me some tricks and short cuts for playing a guitar hmm beat me...he says that i can play in 3days time coz he claim that its rare to see beginner strum nice sound for the first time... :)...well went home after dining with elroy...he wanted to buy an electric guitar but got an acoustic one instead...well this is my guitar!

well...i actually went for the color but not the design...

well after an hour of playing i have realise that my fingers are starting to feel pain from pressing onto the strings and imagine i've been practicing on it for hours till now lol but feel good and happy :)...ITS NOT EASY!!! having hard time trying to understand guitar online...and ya haha the boss is frenly enuff to not only teach us but also gave us a copy of a song and note hand written on it so that we can have something to learn and play with...so if i succeed that song in 3days, haha think its not a problem to pick up...anyway to learn this take time and patience...and haha ya wake up to find out that my hair was in a mess zzz funny though...

LOL FUNNY??? zzzz i'm gonna slp now...damn shag...SHAGNESS!!! lol

Saturday, 23rd May 09
blog @ 0652hrs

2009-05-22T05:17:00.002+08:00

well...hmm had be away coz i'm not at home erm i mean Bendemeer...had been at punggol area this few days away...been to lan shop with hui shi playing hero LOL we tiao there playing hero online for 7hours haha some more we still can go down eat supper and then go up and play again haha! i think if she ever come in here and read my blog will also laugh haha! yea buddy! haha and ya went to 72 and sabai sabai this week also...drink a lot drink less ah wadever...just go there and relax only...haiz i've thought about it...i'm abandoning my little wish...for the good! yea dun ask me why...ahh practically today whole day accompany hui shi to interview...from Whampoa to Tampines haha! abt 9pm ++, she ah hai yo want to go and see 72 and sabai sabai so hmm after asking here and there, she's been approved and went down with me haha her plan was not to go in...as in after her dinner, she will take cab home...but end up haha went in and drink with us...today damn tired la...after 2 half bottle of martell at 72, we went over to sabai sabai and had another bottle of martell but we only manage to finish one third of it if i'm not wrong haha...around 4pm, we left the place...Guoz gave hui shi(baby)(buddy) a ride home and then elroy and i went to levender there for supper and then home we off to...gonna k'o soon...k le la...going to bathe now and then slp le...tml still meeting elroy to buy Guitar! yeaH! haha bye~~

Friday, 22nd May 09
blog @ 0530hrs

2009-05-19T04:21:00.002+08:00

...just to find out why my scroll seems to be soo tiny and when i scroll all the way down...here i go again this time for me the fade away zzz...song from E-type zzz anyway i'm suprised...but well its all memories of her...especially my last first post...our first anniversary lol...i shuden had scroll all the way down i guess...if u ask me wad to choose, memories vs facts...i really dunno...but i do know that is memory is for me to think back...the fact is that i'm living in this very reality world...no matter wad my memory will be...its been always carved inside my heart and will nvr change until the day i die and the same goes to each and everyone of u here i guess...well for ppl for them to say that they've seen my true colors hmm i just got to say that i've become wad i cant be...as for now i'm like this...well life change coz of something and its not like i can change into different person in just a second...and thinking abt putting words into my mouth...it really hurt a lot...but well ppl hurts cost my me also hmm so i dun ask for much...so i wont bewitch and bestow pain to other again anymore...i wis and hope that the pain i've once cost, can be gone...maybe not now but slowly...ppl take time to change...well all i got to say is that wad i have said here is all true...and ya :) haha i nvr drink drive LOL!!

2009-05-19T03:51:00.002+08:00

haha tonight again went to drink at 72 :) and we went to club sabai sabai also haha! but end up at 72 drink till like 1:40am like that...dunno why today when i drink till certain limit, feel like want to vomit hmm maybe too hungry so i decided to go for supper...but after i eat, felt regret abt it...haiz anyway went home and play a round of dota...after i blog finish, i'm going to bathe haha! yea today chat with cindy for awhile...erm not the AP(atittude problem) cindy i'm talking abt...its the guoz's cindy...used to like her in ite but nvr dare to tell her also haha she's now in poly and is really very busy there...but hope that she is free this friday so i can date her out :) maybe to sing k! yea haha we used to go sing k often but we hardly contact each other after we went to ite second year...well i still haven got the guitar yet but it seems like everyday i'm thinking abt guitar haha! maybe tml after i go for a little mission then i will be heading straight to parklane and get the guitar! YEA! way to go :) well i also got to chat a little with xingyi...she's now doing second year in some university...in business management hmm its hectic i shud say but it sure pays off if u really did a good job in there and get good grade and when u graduate, if there's good company wants u, wow good pay too! coz she has the skill too eh i belive~~ haha sorry for mocking u a little haha! nah u r great! right...i hope everything is fine :) i'll set everything in motion once after my ns is over! cant waiT CANT WAIT!!!~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, 19th May 09
blog @ 0402hrs

2009-05-18T04:22:00.003+08:00

wa lau...i really dun care who's gonna look at my blog now...i could had leave things as it is but i did not...i'm i chaos again i shud say...actually i'm slping already but hui shi called me regarding the pub job hmm think maybe she will be working at bout quay le bah...anyway today went out with my family to Vivo city...today is damn tired for me can wa lau ytd went to drink till 3am and i 4am then slp 10am wake up from my mum's call then from there all the way to just now 9pm +...waiting for hui shi to reply till i fall aslp then she call hmm now i'm awake waiting for the sky to rain only...cant slp now coz i'm thinking someone now...haiz all this while its been her but now i'm all alone...haiz guoz say he's gonna save money but today again asking me whether wanna join them at 72 lol! wanted to join them but just too tired...i just need a good rest...well see day by day to pass is like 1 step closer to somewhere i dunno...what will i be doing tml? where will i go tml? will she contact me tml? will she forgive me tml? will i be better tml? i dunno...2yre...just give me another 2yrs...i want to see it through with my own eyes...just thinking abt ppl who can stay in jail 4ever...army is nothing compare to that...and hope can faster finish my NS life and put my "future plans" into motion...cant wait already...work and study and to get my license so that i can have car to drive...3 to 4 yrs starting from the day i go army...another 4 to 5 yrs, i'm going to be a successful man...yea way to go! haiz junwei, since when did u stop explaining urself? coz u dunno? plz dun say dunno :(

Monday, 18th May 09
blog @ 0527hrs

2009-05-17T11:48:00.003+08:00

haha yesterday went to 72 drink one jar of beer...was waiting for Guoz's fren there...when they reached, we went over to club Sabai Sabai just beside only...well hmm it seems so much fun there coz our table here is all Singaporea and there's no thai lady walk here and there...nvr really drink much yesterday....the only most kick i drank is the sisters there hmm abt 6 of them, pour some shots of martell and jio me drink together with them...i thought after that shots, i will faint but i didn't! haha i felt no kick at all! of coz la i drink non stop for a month already...well for some ppl i dunno wad and why are they running away from me for...hmm i eat them? nah...but well i feel much more better this way bah...but dunno why i feel like no matter where this person go, i will sure to find her somewhere hmm i also think that its better this way...well be it good or bad, better or worst, hope that this turn out to be just fine...been having weird dreams lately but luckily it nvr continue...i will go crazy if it does...i had a mission tml and if succeed, i will have lots of money! yea! but the consequences are fatal but i've got nth to lose! haha i dun give a damn already :) ...i'm going to have my second music instrument other then my primary school recoder, its a guitar! haha! i'm just sad that i cant share this joy with my love one hmm FINDING!!! haha nah not now other my little wish here there will be no other ppl...just hope if i really bought that guitar, it's still ok after 2yrs...well this is just a little nonsense i thought of lately...well i still love her but to really love her, i have to start from scratch again...and to do that, i've got to change myself for the better...i knew that would happen someday not only u...coz of my negligence this happens to us...and coz of my stubborness and self centered me, it turn from average become worst...well this is just a little nonsense i have thought of...coz of this nonsensical thought, i'm just creating trouble amoung ppl...why i write this here? i find myself angry for nth these days and i just found my answer and coz i keep forgetting things already...maybe i'll soon forget everyone...hope its a nonsense too...well going back to slp le...blog soon.

Sunday, 17th May 09
blog @ 1217hrs

2009-05-16T20:01:00.002+08:00

i've been a jerk for 1 month and i had it haha! still have the feeling though but i know its over now...i'm ok already so hmm...ya yesterday met tiger for the whole day...went to parklane play pool, arcade and lanshop...around 7pm, we walk to The Cathay and slack there on the steps outside while drinking starbuck coffee :) my favourite hehe tiger was playing his laptop while i erm...company him bah haha but he is the one who accompanied me the whole day playing
haha! well sitting there listening songs and looking around...until 9pm, his gf reach and we decided to take mrt back home and i also decided to go to his gf house there to slack with tiger :) we was drinking while playing chinese chess! haha after some round we decided to have some chat haha...we talk a lot la as usual...we cant talk on phone de so when we were together face to face, usually we would slack till wee hours! drank 2 bottle of Tiger haha! and 1 bottle of Cider...8.4% is like zzz reach home around 5am+++ the first thing i did was VOMIT!! AHHH haha....lol i'm going to drink tonight again at 72...hmm ck will be here at my place lol right blog again bye~~

Saturday, 16th May 09
blog @ 2030hrs

2009-05-15T14:04:00.002+08:00

yesterday went to 72 drink again...drank a lot but no kick at all just having headache and a bit gastric...this few days taste bud taste things so weird haiz kinda feel like my kidney is having hard tie coping my new life style...went home slack awhile and slp...had weird dreams again omg zzz...anyway today tiger wake me up...calling me haha met him at bendemeer...going out later yea! i'm going to shop today! i feel so happy today dunno why...blog soon BRB!!

Friday, 15th 09
blog @ 1410hrs

2009-05-14T11:47:00.011+08:00

well hui shi is right abt it but i nvr get to realise it until ytd but lucky nth happen to me so far ever since the first day i touch alcohol...when u drink while not in a good mood and until certain limit will feel fustrated and really feel like punching ppl...belive it or not...and for gals will cry till like there's no tml while asking why here why there...ytd went to 72ng like i said in my msn ytd "gonna torture myself again tonight" haha coz i'm sick and still going to drink! wa kick...scared ppl from MOH drag me to hospital for a quarantine coz i'm having slight flu and heavy cough...well we open 3 bottle martell and there was little ppl there...part of the lancer club member and 3 of our fren...its like this; jeff, guoz and i + lancer club which left early and the 3 is shawn and erm forget their name liaoz...lol erm for the lancer club they are real time street racer in Singapore...gonna see them on the road 3-4yrs later bah...why we were there ytd? coz ytd is like the "main" opening...and damn lots of ppl than usual...haha Dj davien is lonely yesterday! entertaint him a little by drinking with him coz he know me and came to our table for some drink la...and of coz there's thai gals there too but i only talk to them when i wan to...coz the main reason for me is to relax...unless i'm rich haha can buy them drinks and flower...as time goes by, one and a three quarter of martel is gone...and we were all walking like drunkard hmm i think is me bah haha i drank quite a lot...haiz why me??? plus...i''m SICK!! sian...oh ya really! ...LOL and today, i had weird dream again...but i hope this is not wad i sense...

Thursday, 14th May 09
blog @ 1321hrs

2009-05-13T15:25:00.002+08:00

haha dun think i'm going to mia anymore! i'm gonna blog while i can... well this monday went to pubs and drink again even i'm sick haha... feeling like i'm fading... its ok man... i wanna see where is my limit, can i still go on? yea i can! i still wan to drink! i'm now an emo drinker... later going to 72 and drink again... but this time plz no gal for me!!! after my last experience with that thai gal, had been so scared of them... why? coz they are irritating! ah i nvr did la hor... i just wan a normal local gal who i can love with... now that hui shi's bf is back somehow i feel safe and sound but still a bit uneasy... although still asking myself questions but it seems like all is over... well i still have my little wish here hehe... she still call me time to time when she's facing problems or whenever she's lonely :) as u all know that i'm wokring for agent as sales co-ordinator, today nearly close a deal!!! ARHG!! they couldn't contact the owner wa lau...damn sian... anyway i will work hard! haha haiz still having cough and flu but not swine flu la zzz having a slight fever... think tonight i'm gonna bring my jacket if not i dun really know how can i survive there... its so cold down there!! hmm gonna update my blog again...

Wednesday, 13th May 09
blog @ 1542hrs

2009-05-10T17:33:00.005+08:00

this is my 100th post and my last post...haha then that mean u understands me la? and wad in the hell u care that i pray for someone? well if u wan i will stop today then...u betrayed me and thats the fact and plz dun say anything thats not true...and if by having faith, i cant go anywhere i want izzit be coz its a sin? i still have a life to enjoy and for wad u care? as a fren? lol u said we be fren but i think u r just making be a spare tire LOL thats a real joke...u wan to know why? after all we had been through and u tell me that...alright then...if u think that i dun understand u nvm...seriously..i was thinking that the moment ur parent dun like me, we shud had broken off already why wait till now? its my mistake... really...viewing ur blog makes me want to laugh...no offence though...u keep thinking abt the things that u cant do and u dun even try seriously...u will regret it for the rest of ur life...yes i know u cant thats why u r stuck...u r too young to find a bf unless ur current bf its 25-27 yrs old...belive it or not if u think that in a relationship is all abt love...so wads the love that i've gaven u? izzit nth? u cant wait for me to change and be coz of that, u give up on me half way through...yes i know u r a family gal...well the issue is that i met ur parent too soon...u cant keep things from parent and are stuck in the middle...u left the person who love u most and go for other...u cant wait for him to change and u left just like that...well u aren't special nor fate...u make this choice for ur own good and i can understand...i diden choose u for who u r or wad u r...i choose u coz we all r made for being loved...the keys is returned and the door is closed forever...and ya dun tell me that i dun have the right to emo LOL haha

this few days had been busy going around singapore haha from east to south and to erm north lol went east coast for my fren's chalet...and F! was too busy chatting with Mylene till i lost my cigarette and also be coz i haven been slping for 48hrs LOL well she's a funny gal i shud say haha fun to play with i think...zzz it reminds me of Ly haha anyway she is la...went to bout quay ytd for my 15yrs fren/bro's gf birthday celebration...drink a lot yesterday...overall bill 800SGD +++ lol...and i saw someone i shuden had zzz 4get it...well had been at seng kang and puggol area for a reason...just for that special someone i guess...this morning she went to msia le...i really feel happy and sad for this time being around with her...the most happiest day was on Friday, 8th of May :) really very happy...dunno how to explain this happiness...well that morning went to her work place to help her get her pay but her boss is such a bitches...without any slp, went there and get nth zzz but i'm happy though...doing something for the ppl u erm love, is happy~! haiz anyway after i get nth, i decided to leave...sembawang...she called me as usual and had a long chat as usual...she told me that she very hungry and wan to eat so i told her that i ta bao for her and she said ok! haha normally she would say things like nvm la...so the moment when she say ok i was like haha! okok...but end up we meet up for lunch and that make me for happy! wahaha! we had lunch at rivervale mall de long john and we keep chatting haha she also say wanna come my house use my comp coz her house de internet connection had been cut off due to rolling of bills...but end up she nvr come my hosue also coz we were slacking somewhere near her house talking for 2hrs ++ hahA! went to her house and watch Marley and mE together...but end up she fall aslp and i nearly fall aslp coz we had been up for 48hrs lol! just by looking at her...slping "beside" me...haiz the women u love is loving someone else...happy and sad...i was planning something like tell her that i love her while she's slping and then go home then suddenly she wake up...and told me that she nvr really slp...just closing her eye but i hear her snoring leh haha...ah anyway luckily i nvr did wad i planned if not, i really dunno how to clear this mess...i hope she will enjoy her food without vomiting...she had been vomiting food right after a meal...haiz some how i got affected by her...ytd she still can tell me she's eating haha! think its good that i "gave" her somthing and i got something from her as well...coz i lost my appetite of of a sudden and will freaking feel like vomit things out...maybe i drink too much...i had a small wish here...hope that she can be mine one day...just one call and i'll be there thats my promise to her in my heart...she can be the only one but no body else...

well am i self centered? nah just being selfish...i got to be selfish to get something...i thought that this philosophy of mine had been sealed by her but it seems like she's the one using it on me and i really had nth to say...i will nvr ask for a patch and patch back if i dun love u...u can keep on thinking that its all my fault and is pushing all the blame but had u really put urself into my shoes? this is everything u wanted but not me...u can get angry coz i dun go as wad u planned so that doesn't mean that i'm not like that...u claim that ur ideal is to give ur bf this and that...but i dun think so...but also that doesn't mean its totally ur fault that i claim...so dun think that i'm pushing all the blames...the one who said break meaning that this person's heart is not here anymore so no meaning askhing her back...and com'on...god wont help a Judas...belive it or not...wad i wan to hear is from u but not god...if u put all ur faith in god, u r a goner already...well i cant say that i'm fully an anti christ...its just that wad u belive...have faith in urself...if u lost faith in ur self or someone else, really...all will be gone in an instant and that change a person's heart as well...although i say that i see signs this and that...i'm just only saying it but its up to ppl's hardwork to see it through...well i'm finally out of the "Difficult Situation" for almost 2yrs...but oh well i'm happy to know u...to be fren now and maybe come back to me in the future? dun make me laugh...if u cant even understand wad i said, u have no right to say me thank u and "god bless"...u sure know how to hate ppl :) hate me for the rest of ur life lor

Sunday, 10th May 2009
blog @ 2020hrs

2009-05-10T06:33:00.002+08:00

well i'm going to "mia" for awhile...tired of blogging this while plus my blog seems so emo when ever i blog a new post zzz really tired...

end on Sunday, 10th of May 2009
blog @ 0636hrs
~~~signing off~~~
add me plz masterwei@hotmail.com ... 12th April 2007 evening...

2009-05-07T04:53:00.002+08:00

well well well! saw something very interesting! shall share with u guys here;

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)

The Bottom Line;
When it comes to flirting, you cannot afford to be shy today -- life is too short!

In Detail;
When it comes to flirting, you cannot afford to be shy today -- life is too short for you to hem and haw and worry about being too aggressive! If you don't step up and let someone know you're interested, another person could beat you to the punch. Preserving a false front is a waste of your energy -- so fess up when you feel special feelings toward someone. It's the only way you're ever going to find out if they have special feelings for you too.

hmm well...i'm going crazy...is this a sign?? is this going to be a push for me? how how how? nvr try how i know...but i do know that this is not the time yet...so i think i will still wait for the right time :) well erm hope the others sagittarians are doing just fine :) SPREAD UR LOVE!!!

2009-05-07T04:26:00.003+08:00

well for tonight its party time again! haha we were discussing abt where to go and came up with a few places like OO(double O), St'James powerhouse, 65 which is at Tanjong Paga area and 72NG...decided to go 72NG again lol...well before that, earlier on morning, slept for only 2hours or less...got a call from hui shi and she was crying very jia lat...ask her whether izzit her bf mistreat her this time but its not...her tummy is in great pain haiz told her lots of time not to eat and go vomit and there she goes...worry for her very much...today i was sooo happy:) around 1pm reach her house company her...well we chat a lot abt our past and present but its more like talking abt our life last time and how we used to be...happy :)...she shared and showed me a lot of her photo...i realise that she has been she's been looking at me all the time but be coz i dun dare to take initiative its like i let go all the chances i have...this is only my assumption but hope its true...when ever i thought that i can forget someone...the person close to me will go away...and going back to my original routine...but for me now right, its really a painful and tormenting time...just a month only...junwei! dun give up! u can do it! i need time now...anyway, we chat all day long till like around 6pm went meet my cousins at abt 7pm...reach there early though so i went out side compass point and slack awhile...smoking and listening to my songs...like i always do...went to Soup Restaurant and had out early celebration for Mother's day :) after dining, we went to walk around...then i decided to leave coz i'm meeting my frens and its going to be very late...met jeff at potong pasir mrt and went to meet the rest of my gang at kallang bahru :)...well we find a table at the nearby kopitiam and had a drink there...and saw some small kid gangster there lol...to me, they are small kid coz i come a long way u know and its my past...no point telling...and ya this is where we discuss where to go and ended up at Shenton Way 72NG again haha...well i thought today i can get my peace there but that thai gal nub just bug onto me...haiz nvm i'll just play my part to make her happy too but its more like i'm down there emoing than entertaining her...see her face...boring...feel like slapping the hell out of her and tell her to WAKE UP LA...she kept lying on my shoulder wa lau its like my shoulder is for u like that...PUi! anyway i let her coz i'm there to enjoy so actually end up hugging her but this time no kiss...really no mood to play with her...i told her that if u got any customer, just go ahead...well she just stick to me...its already like i'm a bf liaoz...she still ask me whether i'm hungry all that and if i'm hungry, she claim that she will cook for me LOL wad a preveilege! but haiz...i still prefer my gf cook for me...so anyway i told her that i'm full...haha well dun wanna say things abt wad i did in 72 le coz its just another repeat story...i got tired of "our" tent and so i msg and ask Ly whether she wan the tent or not coz i think abt it ah her new bf is like out going and so i decided not to keep it but actually to hand over it to her so that she can enjoy while at east coast playing or wadsoever la...dun care anymore...just live a happy life and enjoy while u can...open ur eyes and dun get cheat my guys...haiz dunno why still dun trust any guys out there for her...well its her decision now so ... i just tell myself that i shuden care anymore and if i does, i'll feel more pain...still cant belive the face that she's gone and changed into another person so fast...well for a pro compare to a noob like me...love make a person grow...just hope that the wait for hui shi is worth it...can say that we are much much more closer now...but seeing her happy, its like there's not tml already... haha though i blog abt wad i'm doing now...the fact is that in my eyes now, there's only one gal...to play is another thing coz i'm now enjoying...talking abt Ly here its like a taboo...coz i still feel like i'm a loser in relationship...so yea this is my theory...so if u are saying that i'm flirting now? haha to play outside and to admire the one i like in fact the one i love now between the one i lose a month ago its like a cycle to me and for most of the guys...really coming out to play it will change u a lot but to wad kind of different? that depend on individual...for me, i still know wad am i doing and wont go beyond that line...but contrary i can go beyond that line if i wanted to...well this is not like dunno wad i wan...in fact its like i'm doing wad i wanted thats all...think abt the bad be4 u think abt the good...but i dunno when will i make mistake so i'll use my eyes to see...i'm having a new job again! tml going to interview so much thx to hui shi coz her sister in law is like half a boss and is doing something erm which i dunno...tml go interview then i'll know :) i know him a little so there's no worry abt anything i'll just keep up my good work and this work seems to be promising :p hope i really like it...i wont let any chance slipts away anymore...sick and tired abt it already...do wad i can do before i regret :) and well i've got to do wads best for me right? my philosohy is that some time, for ur own wadsoever reason, u have to be selfish and it really hit it right into my face...so i have to be more evil from now on IF i have to :)

Thursday, 7th May 2009
blog @ 0434hrs

2009-05-06T05:29:00.002+08:00

well i've this nice galaxy aka milky way wanna share with u guys and hope u like it... just looking at this, it really clear my mind... had been thinking... i've become wad i cant be already... just like the song by One Republic - STop and Stare... hehe still can rmb wad i did when Ly and i was listening to this song but thats the past:) anyway hope u guys like this pic... and plz bare in mind that global warming is reaching its limit! think abt wad can we do to help this planet instead of abusing it... stop being selfish! think abt the earth before u decide on something that will cost ur future:)

2009-05-06T04:58:00.005+08:00

well... i'm hesitating whether or not to blog today but guess i cant stop my finger from doing this haha coz i'm kinda shag now... today wake up quite early and luckily i nvr get hang over but my throat is sore zzz dried up and dehydrated... keep drinking water and feel like vomit but i manage to pull through... haiz today that thai gal nub spam call me... i just dun wanna pick up coz no matter how i play, i dun wan to bring it back into my life... when i'm there, she will then see me if not, i'm like a vip to u... i dun wan... anyway it doesn't matter... :) today i find hui shi and my buddy relationship just raise to another level already :) can kinda feel it... hmm just where i'm missing?? a few steps? shit! its like the person is just there u know and still cant grasp wad she's really thinking zzz no confident? nah i shud say i cant comfirm anything yet but can feel it la!! how how how?? anyway... my house spare keys is now with ck... still thinking how to deal with it!!! OMG!!! she just called me AGAIN!! hehe! so happy :) 5am+++ liaoz she still cant slp haiz worry for her... haiz dunno why in my whole entire life, i find myself for being a secret admirer is much more happier... hmm maybe the feeling for Ly is just only a crush bah... :) but there's feeling that is undeniable... well be it sweet or bitter, i'm already very content but am i ready to move on?? i don't know... :( well i still have luandry to do and haven bathe yet coz i just reach home from my fren's house... plus this hectic rain... but i like it! haha

Wednesday, 6th May 2009
blog @ 0521hrs

2009-05-05T12:16:00.004+08:00

wow... yesterday waS hellish for me... wanted to catch a movie yesterday night but left a few shows as its not weekend so dun have any midnight show... and so we decided to go 72NG again... this time is Guoz, roy, billy and me... went to smoke near taxi area haha u know cineleisure have has music playing? my leg and body just cant stop moving to the beat haha! anyway after we smoke, flag a cab there and go 72... went there for i think 3hours... we finish 1 bottle of half filled martel and a bottle of chivas... this is crazy coz we just keep drinking and drinking... Guoz was the man that night! haha ON THE ROCK FOR HIM MAN! ah my throat still sore argh~~ anyway starting was haha of coz get ourselves the drink first and settle down... then the gal there will just keep coming :) and drink la fuck! dun anyhow think lol... they have only 1 mission... not to let u fuck them but let them fuck u coz they will fuck ur wallet upside down LOL if u bring enuff cash for that day hmm sure is vice-versa... well for me... i spent 40 buck ytd haha 4 terquila shots... 2 for my gal and 2 for the singer there... and really omg... ytd guoz dare that gal to kiss me man! ah and i kiss her back yea! haha it was fun though... her body is good :) so i was pratically hand on her waist when i'm sitting there but i wasn't stick to my chair... i kept going toilet and slacking near toilet area... was crying... dunno why... then and ya i just knew the dj there his name is daven? davien? ah i 4got! anyway he came to me as he's going toilet he saw me mah and console me... ask me wad happen... and i told him that my gf and i just broken up... and he was like AH! fuck the gals man there's plenty out there! haha and asking me later wanna dedicate songs for me and i told him that will let him know :) "take care!" and there he goes and i went in after i finish my cigarette... well coz i keep taking my time and it seems like my gal could not wait for me this time haha just go ahead man! i'm not a worthy customer haha! just go away... coz i'm there to play! and ya was asking billy and roy whether they have any songs in mind that wanna dedicate... and they decided on Poker Face and so i went over to the dj and treated him a drink and tell him that we wanted that song and so he played it... ahh anyway its about 3am and we decided to leave but guoz he just dun spare my life man... i drank half fill cup of chivas and there goes our chivas for the day... end up walking like a snake... as for nub(the one who is with me drinking thai gal) haha she wasn't spare too! haha we got the money to open another hard liquor its just that we dun wanna spend our money here le coz its freaking expensive to enjoy here... anyway nub was walk like a snake too! haha well and had a good bye from here haha! and there we go... took a cab and off to home but i vomit half way through levendar... and this time the way i vomit its like my stomach is gonna throw out that kinda feeling... went to kallang bahru 7\11 and bought the pepps... but still vomiting... after that we went to nearby market to eat supper... i told them that i dun have the appettite and so i was sitting and the car park there and continue my buffet...as a "chef"... hmm it reminds me that there's one day i was walking Ly home and saw this ang mo couple... her boy was like drunk till fall onto the ground straight after the alighted from the cab and his gf was having a hard time pulling him up and decided to pour water at him... lol was pratically doing the same thing to myself except water... after they finish eating, of coz its home time... and i found myself crawling back home lol! i told billy to go home first... i can make it coz elroy is still with me that time... the elroy keep saying that its gonna rain soon if we dun get home any sooner but i just couldn't control my body at all! haha miss this feeling though but its self torturing LOL ever since my 18yrs old celebration at K Garden... wow that was far more worst than wad i've been through ytd... that time i rmb i drank flamming lamborgini and vomit like FUCK! need 3 escort... my feet cant even feel the floor... anyway ytd i still manage to get home...and it was already 5am++ after i bathe went to bed straight... worring that i might get hang over i tried not to think too much and i fell aslp... and the feeling is the best though i miss the service the a gf can give like putting a tower on my fore head and talk to me, resting on her thigh and slowly fall aslp... well woke up @ 12noon... well this wednesday still planning on going St'James powerhouse... haiz miss the way she call my full name in stead of buddy but its enuff already... it seems like we will be like how it used to be... she will slowly move away from me soon... shud i start my move? haiz and ya Ly return my keys through ck... without her, the keys are meaningless coz no one can replace her... really irreplacable... really in pain... ytd when i was in the train, i was sitting at the head of the train and when it's reaching serangoon and i cry there again... why why why!?? i thought that i can finally stop crying and yet i'm still zzz well like hui shi said...everything will pass... hmm i shud say that everything will become my past and become memory for me but when?? wad if i'm still like that in my army life and wad if i still cant get over it after 2yrs in army?? i will be the one living behind our shadow...

Tuesday, 5th May 2009
blog @ 1322hrs